Tips to Reduce Your Anxiety - Part 1

There is no set format for anxiety; something that one person takes in their stride might send another person into a spin. Most of us get anxious at some point about something, and the anxiety we feel will affect us in different ways. Those who don’t typically get anxious will usually recover from a brief period of extreme stress or panic triggered by an event or a predicted event, then return to a state of equilibrium.

For those who experience elevated levels of stress or anxiety more frequently, life may feel less harmonious. During a period of panic it may be difficult to envisage a time when those thoughts and symptoms won’t be present. This is how people can start to consider anxiety as their identity; as part of them and their personality, rather than a pattern of behaviour that can be changed. It is important to remember that whilst we may be unable to change a particular event, we can learn to control our reaction to it.

Know your triggers

What can be a good first step is to take a few moments to analyse yourself honestly. Do you tend to feel more anxious at a particular time of day for instance? For some people anxiety strikes on waking and for them, imagining the day ahead can seem overwhelming. For others lying in bed trying to fall asleep at night can feel impossible, as the events of the day play through the mind making it hard to switch off mentally. Is there a particular person or people who make you anxious when you're around them? Do any specific scenarios set off a catastrophic chain of thought, such as dealing with a work colleague, starting a new job, going somewhere unfamiliar? For some, watching the news can set off alarm, especially after tragic events overseas or at home.

Try to gather as much information about your patterns by asking yourself these types of questions and noting your responses. This will help you to get a clear picture of what makes you anxious. You may find it helpful to make a record of these triggers by noting down in a mood diary whenever you start to feel anxious and what you are doing at the time. Doing this enables you to become more aware of what sets off an anxious cycle and may help you to modify your behaviour in order to minimise them. By using this method, what can also be revealed, is that there are times where anxiety isn’t present and this can be a helpful for keeping things in perspective.

Are fitness apps bad for your health?

In my clinic I’m seeing an increase in the number of patients who seem to have issues with something known in the profession as Orthorexia – an unhealthy relationship with so called ‘healthy eating’ where they make up their own rules about what they should and shouldn’t eat. Orthorexics become obsessed about eating only ‘healthy food and will beat themselves up when they break their own ‘rules’. These rules are often very rigid, and by adhering to these narrow rules they will often deprive themselves of essential nutrients; orthorexics can experience malnutrition.

Whilst Orthorexia isn’t yet listed on DSM 5 (the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders), it is a recognised term in the world of eating disorders. All too often this ‘healthy eating’ is aided and abetted with a fixation and reliance upon, a fitness app, helping to justify and measure the self-made ‘rules’.

It often starts with the download of a fitness app that tracks the calories their body is using and apps or diaries tracking food eaten, which then give a recommended daily calorie allowance. The principle seems to be ‘Eat less and exercise more’. This means the client is unhealthily focused on food and sometimes over-exercising to free up more calories, if they’ve eaten more than their ‘allowance’. The use of technology makes it seem OK and the right thing to do in the quest for healthier living and a new shape.

The people that have visited me are those for whom group weight-loss programmes are unappealing, leaving them feel uncomfortable or uninspired. Instead, over time, some have developed an obsession which starts innocently enough with a desire to be healthy,  and is influenced greatly by things they see and hear via press and social media.

When I work with clients who have rigid attitudes to food and exercise, I endeavour to identify the root cause of their issues. Where they have problems around self-esteem or body image, we will focus on that as a priority. I will then work with them to develop a more balanced approach to eating, drinking and activity.

For people who tell me they have willpower issues or eat too much or too fast, I will give suggestions in hypnosis for noticing when they are hungry or full. I’ll suggest that they eat their food slowly, preferably at a table. I will also encourage them to be aware of what they are putting in their mouths, rather than eating unconsciously while doing something else. I want them to appreciate and remember what they have eaten and not feel guilty when they’ve had the occasional treat. Whilst people do lose weight with these apps, they are missing the point; being healthy isn’t about being a specific weight or exercising to burn a set amount of calories, it is all about balance; physically and emotionally, as well as eating-wise.

Is your 'yes' causing you stress?

Have you ever found yourself saying ‘Yes’ when what you really wanted to say was ‘No’? Many of us have done it at some time, I’m sure: ‘Yes’ I will babysit on Saturday night; or ‘Yes’ I’ll swap my work shift with you’.  We’ve said ‘yes’ mostly because we don’t want to upset someone or experience their disapproval; we want to be liked. Being compliant and agreeable may initially make us feel at ease and happy because we’ve pleased someone else and expect them to value us or maybe feel indebted. There can be a price to pay for this ‘people-pleasing’ behaviour though, because it means we set up an internal struggle which ultimately leads to disappointment or resentment.

Too often we expect something in return for being nice; whether that is tangible or intangible, and we may not get that ‘quid pro quo’. Saying what we think the other person wants us to say, may also disappoint, if the person was seeking a genuine response. Instead of ‘win-win’ it can be ‘lose-lose’ to be untruthful; if we are not true to ourselves we can feel used and abused. To ‘blame’ the other person for taking advantage or for being inconsiderate is unfair; it is our responsibility to say what we mean, rather than expect them to ‘know’ what we mean, even if it isn’t what we actually said. The ‘yes’ when we mean ‘no’ syndrome is an ineffective strategy and is likely to result in resentment sooner or later. Allowing this type of feeling to fester can often lead to conflict at some point; possibly at an inappropriate time.

If you find that you frequently say ‘Yes’ when you really want to say ‘No’, you may want to consider the reasons you have become so compliant.  Was it something you learned?  Were arguments or negative comments not acceptable in your earlier life?  Did people not listen to you? Becoming more assured, assertive and expressing yourself honestly, will not only improve your relationships with others, but more importantly with yourself. Next time you are tempted to say something you don’t mean in order to please or appease another, pause and then say what you really mean. If this proves impossible for you or leaves you feeling stressed or anxious, it may be the time to seek the help of a therapist to change those ingrained behaviours, patterns and underlying beliefs.

Missing Mobile Angst

Did you read the recent article about London train passenger Robin Lee – arrested on suspicion of abstracting electricity, after using a plug socket to charge his phone in a train carriage?  He was de-arrested soon afterwards, but then re-arrested for unacceptable behaviour.

Whilst apparently there are "no hard and fast rules" when it comes to using plug sockets in public areas such as cafes and cinemas, to be absolutely safe you should always ask, unless a plug is clearly marked for public us. Call me old-fashioned, but I feel that it’s good manners to ask if you are ‘charging up’ free in someone else’s premises. But trains? Well that’s not so easy...

Anyway all this got me thinking..... Maybe Robin is suffering from the recently coined term ‘Nomophobia’. Nomophobia, (in case you haven’t heard of it) is a fear of being out of mobile phone contact. This may be due to lack of reception, a dead battery or a lost or damaged phone. As with other phobias, Nomophobia is an anxiety state and it affects people in different ways. Some will become panicky, irrationally focused on the absence of their device and unable to concentrate. Others might respond by withdrawing, or become irritable or non-communicative. Some will experience physical symptoms, such as an increased heart rate, upset stomach or sweaty palms.

So how, as therapists, do we help someone who has this irrational fear? Well firstly our client needs to recognise that their fear is irrational. Cognitive approaches such as Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) can be helpful here. Mindfulness approaches can be very beneficial too. Anxiety is a future based fear and practising Mindfulness can help to keep the individual ‘in the now’. Wonderfully useful is hypnotherapy. It is very calming and can help the sufferer to see things in perspective. Clients who consult me for help to overcome a phobia often find that other issues are improved or eliminated during the process.

If you don’t feel you’re in need of a therapist for your nomophobic response, you can take some practical steps to reduce your anxiety. You could for instance have a back-up plan or device. This will, of course, require reception, so a useful ‘old-style’ alternative is to keep a note of important numbers in your purse or wallet. This gives you the option of using a payphone or (if reception allows) to borrow someone else’s phone.

If your fear is that you cannot be reached, it is worth accepting that nothing major is likely to occur in the couple of hours when you’re out of contact. Last week I returned home to fetch my mobile I’d left charging in the kitchen. I justified this because I’d told several business contacts that I would be returning calls at lunchtime. Needless to say, there was only one message when I checked in my break, and that  call didn’t require my urgent attention!

So next time you find yourself going into a spin because you are incommunicado, pause, take a breath and remind yourself that your phone is not your life-support system, just a communication device. Nothing terrible is likely to happen because you have no phone and on the upside, you won’t get pestered by PPI salesman or those who can help you get compensation for a car accident that you never had! It’s OK to be out of reach for a while, and you might even find that you enjoy the peace and quiet that absence of technology can bring.

Hypnosis - Quack remedy or valid treatment?

Many of us have seen theatrical hypnotists, who seemingly manipulate their ‘victims’ into complying with requests to undertake bizarre behaviours. These behaviours will usually generate hysterical laughs from the audience and the thought of this puts off many people who could benefit from hypnosis in a therapeutic setting.

People often make an assumption that hypnosis is connected with sleep or is similar to be under anaesthetic. Scientific studies into brain activity have shown that it is actually a slightly altered state of consciousness, similar to day dreaming. Hypnosis is a focused state, where an individual will ‘zone out’ from their surroundings; indeed sports people and artists describe ‘being in the zone’ when they are absorbed in their activity.

Being in a trance-like state (hypnosis) generates different physical feelings in different people. Many people describe a sense of deep relaxation, with their body feeling very comfortable and heavy. The majority of people feel safe; as if the rest of the world has been shut out.  They become less aware of their surroundings and are not disturbed by everyday sounds that could normally distract them. During hypnosis their mind may wander, but they will be able to absorb useful suggestions given by the hypnotherapist, even if they are not consciously listening.

So can everyone reach a hypnotic trance? This is debatable. It is believed that most people can be hypnotised if they wish to be, although some individuals are more ‘suggestible’ than others. Creative or imaginative people or those who easily become engrossed in things tend to find hypnosis easy. As with many things in life, practise improves the speed and ease at which hypnosis can be achieved; the more familiar the state becomes, the quicker it happens. Many therapists say that ‘all hypnosis is self-hypnosis as they no-one can be hypnotised against their will.

There is a raft of issues, both mental and physical, that hypnosis or self-hypnosis can help with, including habit change, anxious thinking and pain management. For the latter, hypnosis has been shown to be very effective. It works particularly well for childbirth and tooth ache, but can be used for many types of chronic and acute pain.

Hypnosis can be used not only for analgesia, but anaesthetic too; indeed hypnosis was used during surgical procedures before medical anaesthetic was available. Recently there has been a resurgence of interest in hypno-anaesthesia, for operations and dental procedures and this may be due to a new awareness of the process through media reports. Individuals who don’t like the idea of general anaesthetic or who can’t tolerate it, now have an alternative.

Contrary to how it appears on stage shows and TV, being hypnotised does not mean that someone takes control of your mind. The people who volunteer to be hypnotised on stage know that they are there for the entertainment of the audience and therefore must be happy to make fools of themselves and get their ’15 minutes of fame’.

Stop it! Top tips for reducing anxiety

Stop Thinking, Start Doing.

 Do you spend ages internally debating what to do whenever you need to decide on something? Do you worry about the consequences of making the ‘wrong’ choice? Maybe you have a ‘gut feeling’ but don’t trust your intuition. Or perhaps you do act on your ‘inner voice’ but only after running every scenario through your mind first. Weighing up the pros and cons of a situation is fine of course, as long as you just do it once! Dithering for days or weeks (or more!) before making a decision is time consuming, exhausting, and keeps you in a stuck state; the more you fret, the less you do!

Rein in your irrational thoughts.

Do you find yourself focusing on the worst possible outcome in a situation? Do you have ‘runaway’ thoughts that get increasingly negative or extreme? Perhaps your thoughts follow a familiar pattern that always ends in an imagined ‘disaster’. You may appreciate that these thoughts are irrational, but feel you have no control over them. Distraction is what is needed here. When you find yourself starting down this track, Stop! Get busy with something else; no-one is anxious all the time and when you are absorbed in something else, you can forget to stress. Yes, really!

Put the past in the past.

Do you re-run conversations, thinking how things would have been if you had said or done something different? Do you ‘rehearse’ various outcomes or imagine how others would have responded if you’d said the ‘right’ thing or done something ‘better’? Ruminating in this way leads to depression, as the inability to change things can leave a sense of helplessness. Focus on the present and leave the past in the past. Running a post-mortem on past conversations or events doesn’t change anything except your mood!

Quit worrying what people think.

Do you worry about how friends, family or colleagues perceive you? Is other people’s approval essential to your wellbeing? Maybe you are a ‘pleaser’ and sacrifice your own needs in order to be liked? Stressing about what others think serves no purpose and should be avoided. The truth is, not everyone will like you; no-one is universally liked, so stop analysing other people’s behaviour or responses. Other people’s opinions are just that; opinions, not facts. If people are mean, that’s to do with their ‘stuff’, not you. And as for modifying your behaviour to suit others; forget it; accommodating everyone else could encourage others to take advantage. Always putting others first can develop into feelings of resentment or passive aggressive behaviour, and that’s not attractive!


Pack in your perfectionism.

Do you strive for perfection and feel disappointed when you don’t achieve it? Do you beat yourself up if you get 95% instead of 100? Maybe you feel you are letting others down if you don’t ‘succeed’ or perhaps you dismiss the compliments of others as undeserved, or worse, mickey-taking. This is definitely a faulty strategy. No-one is perfect and seeking perfection is as exhausting as searching for the end of the rainbow. Striving to achieve your goals is fine, but allowing your wellbeing to be attached to an outcome isn't smart. Be kind to yourself; treat yourself as you would someone you care about unconditionally. Perfection is a TV programme!


Don’t fixate on feedback.

Do you scrutinise feedback looking for the negative? Do you dismiss the positive and fixate on the development areas? Maybe you feel angry with the person who flagged up tasks you could do better, or perhaps it confirms your own self-doubt. Getting praise or recognition is lovely, but all feedback should be welcomed, or at least accepted without undue emotion. Acting on constructive criticism is what helps us develop; if it’s utilised it in a positive way. Ask yourself honestly if the feedback is fair and then learn what you can from the experience. There will always be some people who are unduly harsh or don’t appreciate your style or approach, but that’s fine; you can’t please all the people all the time!

I have a voice!

With the final of the BBC TV programme 'The voice' behind us and with National Voice Awareness Day fast approaching (16th April) I got to thinking about my voice. Singers call their voice, their instrument. My voice is my instrument; my instrument for informing and educating my hypnotherapy students as well as communicating with friends, family, colleagues, neighbours and strangers.  Being a hypnotherapist, my voice is also the tool I use to help clients with hypnosis, so I get frustrated when I have problems with my voice, but I’m grateful that I can speak. I am free to speak and I can say whatever I wish to.

Our voice is our means of communication. It’s not just what we say either; the pitch and tone of our voice communicates much more than the words. But words and speech are essential. People who feel unable to express themselves for one reason or another suffer emotionally and psychologically.
In the film ‘The King’s Speech’ Colin Firth shouted in frustration, “Because I have a right to be heard! I have a voice!” This is true of all of us, although sadly, there are too many people who feel they can’t express themselves through lack of confidence or fear of ridicule or criticism.

Fear of public speaking and social phobia is all too common and in my practice I see many clients who want help to become confident communicating; or just confident. It’s very rewarding when I help someone who’s been afraid of speaking in meetings or at seminars, but perhaps most satisfying of all is when a client who has been unassertive, finds their voice.