Do you spend ages internally debating what to do whenever you need to decide on something? Do you worry about the consequences of making the ‘wrong’ choice? Maybe you have a ‘gut feeling’ but don’t trust your intuition. Or perhaps you do act on your ‘inner voice’ but only after running every scenario through your mind first. Weighing up the pros and cons of a situation is fine of course, as long as you just do it once! Dithering for days or weeks (or more!) before making a decision is time consuming, exhausting, and keeps you in a stuck state; the more you fret, the less you do!
Rein in your irrational thoughts.
Do you find yourself focusing on the worst possible outcome in a situation? Do you have ‘runaway’ thoughts that get increasingly negative or extreme? Perhaps your thoughts follow a familiar pattern that always ends in an imagined ‘disaster’. You may appreciate that these thoughts are irrational, but feel you have no control over them. Distraction is what is needed here. When you find yourself starting down this track, Stop! Get busy with something else; no-one is anxious all the time and when you are absorbed in something else, you can forget to stress. Yes, really!
Put the past in the past.
Do you re-run conversations, thinking how things would have been if you had said or done something different? Do you ‘rehearse’ various outcomes or imagine how others would have responded if you’d said the ‘right’ thing or done something ‘better’? Ruminating in this way leads to depression, as the inability to change things can leave a sense of helplessness. Focus on the present and leave the past in the past. Running a post-mortem on past conversations or events doesn’t change anything except your mood!
Quit worrying what people think.
Do you worry about how friends, family or colleagues perceive you? Is other people’s approval essential to your wellbeing? Maybe you are a ‘pleaser’ and sacrifice your own needs in order to be liked? Stressing about what others think serves no purpose and should be avoided. The truth is, not everyone will like you; no-one is universally liked, so stop analysing other people’s behaviour or responses. Other people’s opinions are just that; opinions, not facts. If people are mean, that’s to do with their ‘stuff’, not you. And as for modifying your behaviour to suit others; forget it; accommodating everyone else could encourage others to take advantage. Always putting others first can develop into feelings of resentment or passive aggressive behaviour, and that’s not attractive!
Pack in your perfectionism.
Do you strive for perfection and feel disappointed when you don’t achieve it? Do you beat yourself up if you get 95% instead of 100? Maybe you feel you are letting others down if you don’t ‘succeed’ or perhaps you dismiss the compliments of others as undeserved, or worse, mickey-taking. This is definitely a faulty strategy. No-one is perfect and seeking perfection is as exhausting as searching for the end of the rainbow. Striving to achieve your goals is fine, but allowing your wellbeing to be attached to an outcome isn't smart. Be kind to yourself; treat yourself as you would someone you care about unconditionally. Perfection is a TV programme!
Don’t fixate on feedback.
Do you scrutinise feedback looking for the negative? Do you dismiss the positive and fixate on the development areas? Maybe you feel angry with the person who flagged up tasks you could do better, or perhaps it confirms your own self-doubt. Getting praise or recognition is lovely, but all feedback should be welcomed, or at least accepted without undue emotion. Acting on constructive criticism is what helps us develop; if it’s utilised it in a positive way. Ask yourself honestly if the feedback is fair and then learn what you can from the experience. There will always be some people who are unduly harsh or don’t appreciate your style or approach, but that’s fine; you can’t please all the people all the time!
