Tips to Reduce Your Anxiety - Part 1

There is no set format for anxiety; something that one person takes in their stride might send another person into a spin. Most of us get anxious at some point about something, and the anxiety we feel will affect us in different ways. Those who don’t typically get anxious will usually recover from a brief period of extreme stress or panic triggered by an event or a predicted event, then return to a state of equilibrium.

For those who experience elevated levels of stress or anxiety more frequently, life may feel less harmonious. During a period of panic it may be difficult to envisage a time when those thoughts and symptoms won’t be present. This is how people can start to consider anxiety as their identity; as part of them and their personality, rather than a pattern of behaviour that can be changed. It is important to remember that whilst we may be unable to change a particular event, we can learn to control our reaction to it.

Know your triggers

What can be a good first step is to take a few moments to analyse yourself honestly. Do you tend to feel more anxious at a particular time of day for instance? For some people anxiety strikes on waking and for them, imagining the day ahead can seem overwhelming. For others lying in bed trying to fall asleep at night can feel impossible, as the events of the day play through the mind making it hard to switch off mentally. Is there a particular person or people who make you anxious when you're around them? Do any specific scenarios set off a catastrophic chain of thought, such as dealing with a work colleague, starting a new job, going somewhere unfamiliar? For some, watching the news can set off alarm, especially after tragic events overseas or at home.

Try to gather as much information about your patterns by asking yourself these types of questions and noting your responses. This will help you to get a clear picture of what makes you anxious. You may find it helpful to make a record of these triggers by noting down in a mood diary whenever you start to feel anxious and what you are doing at the time. Doing this enables you to become more aware of what sets off an anxious cycle and may help you to modify your behaviour in order to minimise them. By using this method, what can also be revealed, is that there are times where anxiety isn’t present and this can be a helpful for keeping things in perspective.

Are fitness apps bad for your health?

In my clinic I’m seeing an increase in the number of patients who seem to have issues with something known in the profession as Orthorexia – an unhealthy relationship with so called ‘healthy eating’ where they make up their own rules about what they should and shouldn’t eat. Orthorexics become obsessed about eating only ‘healthy food and will beat themselves up when they break their own ‘rules’. These rules are often very rigid, and by adhering to these narrow rules they will often deprive themselves of essential nutrients; orthorexics can experience malnutrition.

Whilst Orthorexia isn’t yet listed on DSM 5 (the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders), it is a recognised term in the world of eating disorders. All too often this ‘healthy eating’ is aided and abetted with a fixation and reliance upon, a fitness app, helping to justify and measure the self-made ‘rules’.

It often starts with the download of a fitness app that tracks the calories their body is using and apps or diaries tracking food eaten, which then give a recommended daily calorie allowance. The principle seems to be ‘Eat less and exercise more’. This means the client is unhealthily focused on food and sometimes over-exercising to free up more calories, if they’ve eaten more than their ‘allowance’. The use of technology makes it seem OK and the right thing to do in the quest for healthier living and a new shape.

The people that have visited me are those for whom group weight-loss programmes are unappealing, leaving them feel uncomfortable or uninspired. Instead, over time, some have developed an obsession which starts innocently enough with a desire to be healthy,  and is influenced greatly by things they see and hear via press and social media.

When I work with clients who have rigid attitudes to food and exercise, I endeavour to identify the root cause of their issues. Where they have problems around self-esteem or body image, we will focus on that as a priority. I will then work with them to develop a more balanced approach to eating, drinking and activity.

For people who tell me they have willpower issues or eat too much or too fast, I will give suggestions in hypnosis for noticing when they are hungry or full. I’ll suggest that they eat their food slowly, preferably at a table. I will also encourage them to be aware of what they are putting in their mouths, rather than eating unconsciously while doing something else. I want them to appreciate and remember what they have eaten and not feel guilty when they’ve had the occasional treat. Whilst people do lose weight with these apps, they are missing the point; being healthy isn’t about being a specific weight or exercising to burn a set amount of calories, it is all about balance; physically and emotionally, as well as eating-wise.

Is your 'yes' causing you stress?

Have you ever found yourself saying ‘Yes’ when what you really wanted to say was ‘No’? Many of us have done it at some time, I’m sure: ‘Yes’ I will babysit on Saturday night; or ‘Yes’ I’ll swap my work shift with you’.  We’ve said ‘yes’ mostly because we don’t want to upset someone or experience their disapproval; we want to be liked. Being compliant and agreeable may initially make us feel at ease and happy because we’ve pleased someone else and expect them to value us or maybe feel indebted. There can be a price to pay for this ‘people-pleasing’ behaviour though, because it means we set up an internal struggle which ultimately leads to disappointment or resentment.

Too often we expect something in return for being nice; whether that is tangible or intangible, and we may not get that ‘quid pro quo’. Saying what we think the other person wants us to say, may also disappoint, if the person was seeking a genuine response. Instead of ‘win-win’ it can be ‘lose-lose’ to be untruthful; if we are not true to ourselves we can feel used and abused. To ‘blame’ the other person for taking advantage or for being inconsiderate is unfair; it is our responsibility to say what we mean, rather than expect them to ‘know’ what we mean, even if it isn’t what we actually said. The ‘yes’ when we mean ‘no’ syndrome is an ineffective strategy and is likely to result in resentment sooner or later. Allowing this type of feeling to fester can often lead to conflict at some point; possibly at an inappropriate time.

If you find that you frequently say ‘Yes’ when you really want to say ‘No’, you may want to consider the reasons you have become so compliant.  Was it something you learned?  Were arguments or negative comments not acceptable in your earlier life?  Did people not listen to you? Becoming more assured, assertive and expressing yourself honestly, will not only improve your relationships with others, but more importantly with yourself. Next time you are tempted to say something you don’t mean in order to please or appease another, pause and then say what you really mean. If this proves impossible for you or leaves you feeling stressed or anxious, it may be the time to seek the help of a therapist to change those ingrained behaviours, patterns and underlying beliefs.

Missing Mobile Angst

Did you read the recent article about London train passenger Robin Lee – arrested on suspicion of abstracting electricity, after using a plug socket to charge his phone in a train carriage?  He was de-arrested soon afterwards, but then re-arrested for unacceptable behaviour.

Whilst apparently there are "no hard and fast rules" when it comes to using plug sockets in public areas such as cafes and cinemas, to be absolutely safe you should always ask, unless a plug is clearly marked for public us. Call me old-fashioned, but I feel that it’s good manners to ask if you are ‘charging up’ free in someone else’s premises. But trains? Well that’s not so easy...

Anyway all this got me thinking..... Maybe Robin is suffering from the recently coined term ‘Nomophobia’. Nomophobia, (in case you haven’t heard of it) is a fear of being out of mobile phone contact. This may be due to lack of reception, a dead battery or a lost or damaged phone. As with other phobias, Nomophobia is an anxiety state and it affects people in different ways. Some will become panicky, irrationally focused on the absence of their device and unable to concentrate. Others might respond by withdrawing, or become irritable or non-communicative. Some will experience physical symptoms, such as an increased heart rate, upset stomach or sweaty palms.

So how, as therapists, do we help someone who has this irrational fear? Well firstly our client needs to recognise that their fear is irrational. Cognitive approaches such as Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) can be helpful here. Mindfulness approaches can be very beneficial too. Anxiety is a future based fear and practising Mindfulness can help to keep the individual ‘in the now’. Wonderfully useful is hypnotherapy. It is very calming and can help the sufferer to see things in perspective. Clients who consult me for help to overcome a phobia often find that other issues are improved or eliminated during the process.

If you don’t feel you’re in need of a therapist for your nomophobic response, you can take some practical steps to reduce your anxiety. You could for instance have a back-up plan or device. This will, of course, require reception, so a useful ‘old-style’ alternative is to keep a note of important numbers in your purse or wallet. This gives you the option of using a payphone or (if reception allows) to borrow someone else’s phone.

If your fear is that you cannot be reached, it is worth accepting that nothing major is likely to occur in the couple of hours when you’re out of contact. Last week I returned home to fetch my mobile I’d left charging in the kitchen. I justified this because I’d told several business contacts that I would be returning calls at lunchtime. Needless to say, there was only one message when I checked in my break, and that  call didn’t require my urgent attention!

So next time you find yourself going into a spin because you are incommunicado, pause, take a breath and remind yourself that your phone is not your life-support system, just a communication device. Nothing terrible is likely to happen because you have no phone and on the upside, you won’t get pestered by PPI salesman or those who can help you get compensation for a car accident that you never had! It’s OK to be out of reach for a while, and you might even find that you enjoy the peace and quiet that absence of technology can bring.

Hypnosis - Quack remedy or valid treatment?

Many of us have seen theatrical hypnotists, who seemingly manipulate their ‘victims’ into complying with requests to undertake bizarre behaviours. These behaviours will usually generate hysterical laughs from the audience and the thought of this puts off many people who could benefit from hypnosis in a therapeutic setting.

People often make an assumption that hypnosis is connected with sleep or is similar to be under anaesthetic. Scientific studies into brain activity have shown that it is actually a slightly altered state of consciousness, similar to day dreaming. Hypnosis is a focused state, where an individual will ‘zone out’ from their surroundings; indeed sports people and artists describe ‘being in the zone’ when they are absorbed in their activity.

Being in a trance-like state (hypnosis) generates different physical feelings in different people. Many people describe a sense of deep relaxation, with their body feeling very comfortable and heavy. The majority of people feel safe; as if the rest of the world has been shut out.  They become less aware of their surroundings and are not disturbed by everyday sounds that could normally distract them. During hypnosis their mind may wander, but they will be able to absorb useful suggestions given by the hypnotherapist, even if they are not consciously listening.

So can everyone reach a hypnotic trance? This is debatable. It is believed that most people can be hypnotised if they wish to be, although some individuals are more ‘suggestible’ than others. Creative or imaginative people or those who easily become engrossed in things tend to find hypnosis easy. As with many things in life, practise improves the speed and ease at which hypnosis can be achieved; the more familiar the state becomes, the quicker it happens. Many therapists say that ‘all hypnosis is self-hypnosis as they no-one can be hypnotised against their will.

There is a raft of issues, both mental and physical, that hypnosis or self-hypnosis can help with, including habit change, anxious thinking and pain management. For the latter, hypnosis has been shown to be very effective. It works particularly well for childbirth and tooth ache, but can be used for many types of chronic and acute pain.

Hypnosis can be used not only for analgesia, but anaesthetic too; indeed hypnosis was used during surgical procedures before medical anaesthetic was available. Recently there has been a resurgence of interest in hypno-anaesthesia, for operations and dental procedures and this may be due to a new awareness of the process through media reports. Individuals who don’t like the idea of general anaesthetic or who can’t tolerate it, now have an alternative.

Contrary to how it appears on stage shows and TV, being hypnotised does not mean that someone takes control of your mind. The people who volunteer to be hypnotised on stage know that they are there for the entertainment of the audience and therefore must be happy to make fools of themselves and get their ’15 minutes of fame’.

Stop it! Top tips for reducing anxiety

Stop Thinking, Start Doing.

 Do you spend ages internally debating what to do whenever you need to decide on something? Do you worry about the consequences of making the ‘wrong’ choice? Maybe you have a ‘gut feeling’ but don’t trust your intuition. Or perhaps you do act on your ‘inner voice’ but only after running every scenario through your mind first. Weighing up the pros and cons of a situation is fine of course, as long as you just do it once! Dithering for days or weeks (or more!) before making a decision is time consuming, exhausting, and keeps you in a stuck state; the more you fret, the less you do!

Rein in your irrational thoughts.

Do you find yourself focusing on the worst possible outcome in a situation? Do you have ‘runaway’ thoughts that get increasingly negative or extreme? Perhaps your thoughts follow a familiar pattern that always ends in an imagined ‘disaster’. You may appreciate that these thoughts are irrational, but feel you have no control over them. Distraction is what is needed here. When you find yourself starting down this track, Stop! Get busy with something else; no-one is anxious all the time and when you are absorbed in something else, you can forget to stress. Yes, really!

Put the past in the past.

Do you re-run conversations, thinking how things would have been if you had said or done something different? Do you ‘rehearse’ various outcomes or imagine how others would have responded if you’d said the ‘right’ thing or done something ‘better’? Ruminating in this way leads to depression, as the inability to change things can leave a sense of helplessness. Focus on the present and leave the past in the past. Running a post-mortem on past conversations or events doesn’t change anything except your mood!

Quit worrying what people think.

Do you worry about how friends, family or colleagues perceive you? Is other people’s approval essential to your wellbeing? Maybe you are a ‘pleaser’ and sacrifice your own needs in order to be liked? Stressing about what others think serves no purpose and should be avoided. The truth is, not everyone will like you; no-one is universally liked, so stop analysing other people’s behaviour or responses. Other people’s opinions are just that; opinions, not facts. If people are mean, that’s to do with their ‘stuff’, not you. And as for modifying your behaviour to suit others; forget it; accommodating everyone else could encourage others to take advantage. Always putting others first can develop into feelings of resentment or passive aggressive behaviour, and that’s not attractive!


Pack in your perfectionism.

Do you strive for perfection and feel disappointed when you don’t achieve it? Do you beat yourself up if you get 95% instead of 100? Maybe you feel you are letting others down if you don’t ‘succeed’ or perhaps you dismiss the compliments of others as undeserved, or worse, mickey-taking. This is definitely a faulty strategy. No-one is perfect and seeking perfection is as exhausting as searching for the end of the rainbow. Striving to achieve your goals is fine, but allowing your wellbeing to be attached to an outcome isn't smart. Be kind to yourself; treat yourself as you would someone you care about unconditionally. Perfection is a TV programme!


Don’t fixate on feedback.

Do you scrutinise feedback looking for the negative? Do you dismiss the positive and fixate on the development areas? Maybe you feel angry with the person who flagged up tasks you could do better, or perhaps it confirms your own self-doubt. Getting praise or recognition is lovely, but all feedback should be welcomed, or at least accepted without undue emotion. Acting on constructive criticism is what helps us develop; if it’s utilised it in a positive way. Ask yourself honestly if the feedback is fair and then learn what you can from the experience. There will always be some people who are unduly harsh or don’t appreciate your style or approach, but that’s fine; you can’t please all the people all the time!

I have a voice!

With the final of the BBC TV programme 'The voice' behind us and with National Voice Awareness Day fast approaching (16th April) I got to thinking about my voice. Singers call their voice, their instrument. My voice is my instrument; my instrument for informing and educating my hypnotherapy students as well as communicating with friends, family, colleagues, neighbours and strangers.  Being a hypnotherapist, my voice is also the tool I use to help clients with hypnosis, so I get frustrated when I have problems with my voice, but I’m grateful that I can speak. I am free to speak and I can say whatever I wish to.

Our voice is our means of communication. It’s not just what we say either; the pitch and tone of our voice communicates much more than the words. But words and speech are essential. People who feel unable to express themselves for one reason or another suffer emotionally and psychologically.
In the film ‘The King’s Speech’ Colin Firth shouted in frustration, “Because I have a right to be heard! I have a voice!” This is true of all of us, although sadly, there are too many people who feel they can’t express themselves through lack of confidence or fear of ridicule or criticism.

Fear of public speaking and social phobia is all too common and in my practice I see many clients who want help to become confident communicating; or just confident. It’s very rewarding when I help someone who’s been afraid of speaking in meetings or at seminars, but perhaps most satisfying of all is when a client who has been unassertive, finds their voice.

How to choose your therapist

There is no perfect therapist for everyone; different therapists will suit different clients, so my number one tip is to choose someone who you feel comfortable with. Many therapists like myself, offer a free consultation on the phone or face-to-face and this can help you satisfy yourself that’d you’d feel safe and confident working with them. A short chat will also give you the opportunity to ask questions about hypnosis and to discover if they are experienced dealing with the issue you want help with. Their website, if it is a well-designed and professional one may also give you a pretty good impression of the therapist’s personality or approach, as can reading any blogs or articles they’ve written.

Whether you meet up, speak on the phone or exchange emails, you’ll probably want to ask a bit about what to expect in your therapy sessions. The question I am asked most frequently by prospective client’s, is “How many sessions will I need?” Whilst I appreciate why people want to know this, it’s almost impossible to give a precise number and you might want to consider how a therapist could ‘know’ how exactly how many sessions will be required before you’ve even started. What I tell clients is that I will see them for as few sessions as are needed for them to experience the change they seek. I also explain that hypnotherapy is described in psychotherapeutic terms as a brief therapy, so the therapy is likely to take weeks, rather than months or years.

Other things you will want to know is whether your therapist has attended a recognised hypnotherapy practitioner course, belongs to a professional body and has appropriate insurance. Most reputable hypnotherapy organisations do require a minimum number of training hours, insurance, etc, so membership of one of these bodies, should be enough to satisfy your questions. You may want your therapist to belong to the CNHC (Complementary & Natural Healthcare Council) register. This is a government backed voluntary register so not all therapists will choose to register.

Whether you prefer to work with an experienced therapist or are happy to see a newly qualified therapist is personal choice. New therapists can be very enthusiastic and effective; my hypnotherapy graduates are therapists I’d certainly be happy to recommend. I’d suggest that you arrange to talk with your prospective therapist on the phone or face-to-face to check how comfortable you feel. Rapport between client and therapist is vital for a positive outcome.

Practicalities are worth considering too; you’ll want to research the location of their practice if it’s not known to you and decide too whether you’d prefer to go to a high street clinic, a health club or to a therapist’s home? How you can pay for your therapy might be a factor too. Are you able to pay by card or Paypal, or will you need to pay by cash? Is spreading the payment by using a credit card likely to be important in order to avoid gaps in your therapy?
Once you have considered all of these factors and any others that are relevant to you, then go ahead and book; many of my clients tell me that they feel better as soon as they have their first appointment booked.

Chill out or charge about? The anxiety elimination debate

If you’re stressed or anxious and admit to it, you will probably receive plenty of advice from friends, colleagues or maybe, you’re GP. Some will suggest taking some time off, a holiday perhaps, or a relaxing massage. Others will suggest yoga, meditation or mindfulness; something gentle. Or you may be advised to burn off your stress through physical activity such as running, a gym workout or Nordic walking. So who is right? Well, both strategies can be beneficial and a combination of approaches is most helpful.

Physical exercise can help reduce your anxiety, not just at the time, but later too. Regular exercise has been shown to do far more than provide stress relief, it can improve mood, self-esteem and increase our sense of overall wellbeing.  An exercise regime can help with sleep problems and insomnia too, though it’s not recommended that you exercise vigorously in the evening as this can be stimulating – ask anyone who goes to the gym before work. Exercise can be a distraction from unhelpful or negative thinking, especially if it’s exercise that needs speed or concentration; it’s nigh on impossible to fret about anything while jumping around in an exercise class, kick-boxing or playing footie. Distraction from, or interruption of, negative or catastrophic thoughts are strategies that therapists apply and recommend for managing and reducing anxious thinking. Exercise doesn’t need to be frantic to be beneficial though and research has shown that even a short walk can help reduce anxiety and stress.

So what about the passive approach - the relaxation route to becoming stress-free? Massage (especially Swedish massage or aromatherapy) can be very soothing and de-stressing, but as a qualified massage therapist, I know that the mental effects can be relatively short-lived; the physical effects last longer. Yoga classes can really help and many classes include some visualisation (which is self-hypnosis) or meditation. Mindfulness and meditation are becoming increasingly popular due to media coverage and celebrity endorsement. Meditation is not new and neither is mindfulness and both can be really helpful tools to help you stop that never ending head chatter. One myth about mindfulness is that it is a relaxation technique, but in truth it is more about acceptance than relaxation.

Of course you may want to seek some professional help to manage or eliminate your anxious feelings or behaviour. Some people choose the medical route and consult their GP and others prefer to work with a talking therapist / hypnotherapist such as myself. Whichever you do, the inclusion of exercise, relaxation and mindfulness will definitely have a positive impact on your mental and physical wellbeing.

If you think you’re too busy to learn Mindfulness, then you need to learn Mindfulness!

Mindfulness has been in the press a lot over the last few years and with good reason. Research has shown that even brief periods spent in Mindfulness Meditation can measurably reduce stress. Simply focusing and developing an awareness of the moment; the sights, sounds and sensations of everyday life, can bring a sense of wellbeing and peace. This behaviour, which is at variance with a life of multi-tasking and non-stop thinking, may need to be learned and practised in order for it to come naturally, but the rewards are invaluable. Clearing your head of ‘chatter’ and living in the moment is not only stress-reducing it helps with productivity and creativity too; a focused individual is far more effective than a frazzled one.

Sadly, many of us accept a stressed state as normal, and have become used to operating in a state of overload, surrounded by others who are feeling similarly. In the workplace multi-tasking is often not only encouraged by employers, but is expected; considered erroneously to be a sign of effective working. In reality, whilst staff may be busy, they are often less effective than they seem. The effect of stress in the workplace is well documented and forward-thinking employers are introducing Mindfulness programmes for staff, but this is far from widespread.

Learning Mindfulness can benefit people in all areas of their life, as stress and over-thinking are rarely practises confined to the workplace. Using Mindfulness techniques to tune out ‘noise’ and focus on what’s important can really improve overall well-being. Research has shown that even short courses in Mindfulness can measurably reduce stress, improve mental clarity and increase creativity. Clients who have learned very simple Mindfulness techniques with me have reported a reduction in anxiety, improved sleep and generally feel happier.

Despite frequent mentions in the media, there are some misconceptions about Mindfulness. Sometimes portrayed as a relaxation technique, Mindfulness, which has its roots in Buddhist meditation, is about acceptance, rather than relaxation. Acceptance brings with it a calmer, quieter state of mind, which is something that many seek.

I have been teaching Mindfulness techniques for many years, historically with pregnant women as an easy self-hypnosis routine, and in recent years with stressed and anxious clients, those who ‘over-think’ or ‘catastrophise’. Whilst Mindfulness has become extremely popular recently, it’s been around for a very long time and to describe it (as many people do) as a buzzword is to trivialise its value. Many clients who book with me for hypnotherapy for stress reduction, anxiety or insomnia are pleased to learn some easy techniques that they can utilise to prevent or manage stressful situations.