Presentation Fears

Fear of public speaking is often cited as the most common fear that individuals experience. The fact that this phobia is statistically very common does little to reduce the anxiety of the person who is suffering. For the man or woman who is afraid of speaking or presenting, the fear is pretty much all-consuming. The prospect of a forthcoming pitch, meeting or presentation is enough to cause sleepless nights, headaches, stomach upsets and panic attacks.

Clients of mine have described very sophisticated strategies they have adopted for deflecting attention from themselves; sometimes by inviting feedback from the group or possibly by deferring to others. Through these strategies, they ‘manage’ difficult and uncomfortable situations. The mastery with which this is done means that very often their colleagues or audience are unaware of their discomfiture.

Skill at deferring or deflecting attention however does not stop the anxiety experienced beforehand. Weeks before a meeting, people afraid of presenting or pubic speaking often report suffering insomnia and stress prior to a meeting, presentation or event. Fear of presenting has nothing to do with an individual’s ability, knowledge or experience. Those who worry about this element of their work will often be well prepared and well versed in their subject; how they feel is not related to their skill or expertise.

The way in which social anxiety or fear of public speaking manifests itself in people, varies from person to person. Physical symptoms include shaking, sweating, blushing, rapid heartbeat, shortness of breath, upset stomach and muscular tension. Confusion, stuttering, shaky voice, or light-headedness are common signs of nerves too, although they may be more apparent to the sufferer, than to others. Most worry about the embarrassment they’ll experience if they forget what they’re saying, or have a fear of looking stupid, or being discovered as an ‘imposter’.

Hypnosis and NLP can be very helpful for those who struggle with this issue and I have found that good results can be achieved in a fairly short space of time. Everyone is different of course, so if you find presenting, public speaking or social situations challenging, get in touch. In addition to using guided hypnosis with my clients, I can teach them self hypnosis techniques that they can use any time they need to. I also help clients to set up NLP 'anchors' that can help them to feel calm, composed and confident in stressful situations. Many invest in one of my self-hypnosis recordings to use at home too.

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Addicted to food?

In the west slimness is, for many, a desired state. Not everyone wants to be slim of course, but most people don't want to be fat. We can all think of 'big' people who appear confident and content and who say they are very happy with how they are, but in my experience, this is generally untrue. If they could choose between being fat, slim or average, a choice that required no intervention nor effort on their part, few would choose fat.

If we put aesthetics to one side for a moment, most people would prefer to be a normal weight for health reasons, but this often isn't a big enough incentive. It may sound bonkers, but it's true. That old 'it won't happen to me' attitude prevails in matters of illness or disease, and people often ignore the damage they are potentially doing to themselves until they have a health scare or get sick.

A wedding (the individual's own), a desire to get pregnant or some other important issue may increase motivation to change eating habits or do more exercise, but this is often short-lived. Am I painting a gloomy picture? In theory, weight reduction is simple - reduce the number of calories consumed, and increase activity, but this fails to address two key points: our emotional connection with food and the roller coaster ride of sugar highs and lows that many of us subject ourselves to.

When we avoid sugary or artificially sweetened food in our diet, our blood sugar and energy level stabilises and cravings all but disappear. When our body isn't in need of an energy boost, there is no longer an emotional dilemma over whether or what to eat. As cravings and fatigue become a thing of the past, people can and do find themselves skipping desserts in restaurants and forgetting about chocolate 'fixes'.

The real challenge comes when life itself becomes challenging. Relationship difficulties, work issues or other disappointments can lead many to seek solace in sweet stuff. Whilst there are other ways to experience pleasure or comfort, food is relatively cheap, socially acceptable and accessible.

Much research has been done into the sugar cycle and its effects, and through the use of MRI scanners it has been possible for scientists to see the effects of sugar on the brain.

Whilst the term 'addiction' is a controversial one in regards to foodstuffs, there is evidence that what we eat affects our mood and therefore influences are ongoing choices. Pleasure is preferable to pain, so mood altering foods, like mood altering substances, can be difficult to resist, especially when life is less than wonderful or we are on the glycaemic roller coaster.

There is a payback for this comfort and reward seeking behaviour of course. Obesity makes everything (bar eating) more difficult to do. Running for the train, climbing the stairs, having sex, or doing the hoovering can all be a struggle when you're excessively overweight. The biggest problem of being fat however, is the emotional toll it takes, and this is where aesthetics come in.

Much has been said about society's attitude to people who are obese, but whilst size can influence how we are perceived, most people are their own harshest critic. In my work with clients seeking help to lose weight with hypnosis, self-esteem is often an issue. The reasons that people overeat can be complex and often underlying issues need to be addressed before significant progress can be made. Giving direct suggestions for changes to eating patterns is an option in hypnotherapy, but in my experience this is an over-simplistic approach and leads to short-term results at best. Helping clients to change their relationship with food is essential, but so too is helping them to address any stress, depression or other underlying issues that affect the way they use food.

Positive Habits = Positive Results

Do you wish you could remain calm and confident  in a crisis? Would you like to remain upbeat and optimistic as life throws you challenges? If the answer is 'yes' then maybe it's time to learn the secrets of resourceful people; those who understand that they need to take responsibility for their responses and the outcome.
Why not try some of the suggestions below; the strategies of resourceful people - you may find life becomes less stressful and more rewarding.

Learn how to 'roll with the punches'.
Accept that life isn't always fair and that sometimes we need to simply 'suck it up' and get on with life. There will always be situations that we can't change or are out of our control, but we do have control over our thoughts (or can learn this) so you can choose how to respond to emotional events. Decide which challenges are worth your energy and which you can let go.


Be Mindful.
When you dwell on past mistakes or worry about what's going to happen in the future, you're not allowing yourself to live fully in the moment. Focus on what's going on right now and enjoy today; today is the only time you can act. Consider learning Mindfulness meditation; the more you practise it, the more natural it becomes.

Resist playing it safe.
It may seem the sensible option for some, but if you always do this, you leave yourself no room for growth, nor the possibility of achieving greatness. Taking risks can be scary, but trying something new can lead to new possibilities. If the risk results in what we may deem as failure, don't use this as an excuse to give up. Learn from it and think about what could be done differently next time. If no-one ever took risks in life the world would be a very dull place. 

Don't be 'a pleaser'.
If you need the acceptance of others in order to validate yourself you are setting yourself up for disappointment. Of course it's nice to be liked, but the reality is that not everyone is going to like you. We all 'gel' with different people and that's ok. Your wellbeing doesn't depend on anyone else's approval. Important to note too, is that people will respond to what we project; if you see yourself as unimportant, you're likely to be treated accordingly.  By accepting yourself as you are, you are likely to gain acceptance and respect from others too. Set relationship boundaries by being honest about your feelings and say 'no' when necessary.

Spend quality time alone.
Enjoy 'hanging out' with yourself and use these times to do things that bring you pleasure. Pursue a hobby, learn something new, read a book (or write one!). Even 'doing nothing' can allow you to re-connect with yourself and what makes you happy. Realising that you don't need to have company in order to feel good about yourself can help you become more confident, self-sufficient and resourceful.    

I hope you found these ideas and strategies helpful. They are by no means exhaustive and don't represent a 'roadmap' to happiness, but they're certainly worth applying in your day to day life. You will almost certainly notice a shift in how you feel cabout yourself and  your life and experience the empowerment that comes from taking responsibility for your own wellbeing and self-esteem. If you find that you are still 'stuck' in a negative state and would like some help, just give me a call or email.

Has your 'get up & go' got up and gone?

If you've ever felt that you're stuck in a rut or life has got you down, rest assured you're not alone. At these times it can be difficult to find the motivation or inspiration to do anything, but doing nothing results in nothing changing and this low and uninspired state continues. It can be all too easy to externalise the cause and 'blame' life events for our mood, but we are responsible for, and in control of our emotional state. Yes, really.

I've often heard people say that they've lost their 'mojo' but what they have lost (or mislaid) is their passion, energy, motivation - their 'joie de vivre'. Maybe you've experienced this too. A seeming run of bad luck, poor health or disappointment can lead to us feeling flat, bored, discouraged or low, but by changing our perspective, our mood will change too. Resist blaming life events or other people for how you feel and avoid re-living or telling tales of your disappointments or perceived failures as this only serves to reinforce a negative mood. 

So how can we recover our positivity if we find ourselves in a slump? Well, we could do something that will give us pleasure. Not by eating a bar of chocolate or necking a bottle of gin, but by taking some quality time for ourselves. This could be going for a walk in the park and feeding the ducks, by taking a leisurely bath or by putting your feet up and reading a good book. Doing something creative like baking, sewing or woodwork can be absorbing and distract us from unhelpful thoughts and there's nothing like exercise to lift the mood and get those endorphins flowing. 

Remembering a time when we had some 'get up & go' or felt we were at the top of our game is a swift and effective way to recover those good feelings. Try it now... Close your eyes for a moment and take yourself back to a time when you were feeling really great. See what you saw, hear what you heard and feel what you felt at that time. Experience it as if you're there now. Stay in that moment and enjoy those feelings. Notice how your whole mood and sense of wellbeing can change in just a few moments. Why not decide now to take charge of your state, think yourself into the mood that you want and reconnect with your mojo!

Discover your inner dance diva

Love dancing?  Me too! Dancing can not only feel great, but it can be beneficial physically and mentally too. Whatever you're personality type, you are likely to find a particular style of dance that you enjoy. Dancing covers a huge range from street-dance to waltzing, from ballet to salsa, belly dancing to break dancing, and once you identify what style of dance most resonates with you,  it can be a very fun and liberating experience.
The word 'exercise' can be quite off-putting to a lot of people, however 30 minutes of dancing can be just as, if not more beneficial, than running or the gym. Dancing can have such a positive impact on our lives in so many ways.
International dance day is coming up at the end of this month and it will see an exciting mix of people from many cultures all coming together to express themselves through the dance. International Dance Day was first established by UNESCO in 1982 and is celebrated every year on 29th April. This is the birth date of Jean-Georges Noverre (1727-1810), the creator of modern ballet.
You don't have to be the world's greatest dancer to enjoy the benefits of dancing. The popularity of the TV show 'Strictly Come Dancing'  has triggered a rise in the number of dance classes around the UK and beyond. You don't have to fit the stereotypical view of what a dancer should look like either. In 2012 former Emmerdale star Lisa Riley wowed audiences with her agility and technique.
Her professional dance partner, Robin Windsor said at the time, "I just want to say from day one, this whole experience this year has been absolutely amazing, and Lisa has come out and shown you don’t have to be a certain size to dance, and she’s inspired so many people around the country".  The 21 stone actress dropped an impressive 5 dress sizes whilst filming the show. During an interview with the Daily Express in 2013, Lisa said "The weight continues to fall off me because I am still dancing".
In 2010 Pamela Stephenson, another unlikely 'Strictly' star, proved that even at 61 you're never too old to get dancing. The clinical psychologist, who some may remember as an actress and comedienne in the 1980's, demonstrated not only her talent as a dancer, but her love of dance too. As the show's oldest ever finalist, her six-hour training sessions with partner James Jordan showed that when you have a passion you can achieve great things. Pamela, who is often described firstly as 'wife of Billy Connelly' announced at the time, "Strictly has ignited something in me which I really thought had been lost. I have discovered something I hope will continue for the rest of my life".
Sadly, many people only dance at weddings or when drunk, when they're feeling less inhibited, but to restrict yourself to these occasions is to really miss out on a great form of exercise and fun. Dancing can be very therapeutic and those who 'let their hair down' and don't give a fig about how they look, even when sober, are admired and envied, rather than mocked. Losing yourself in the music, whether it's fast and frantic or slow and controlled, is very beneficial physically and emotionally, as Stephenson and Riley can confirm. So, whether you want to lose weight, get fit or simply have fun, why not make the 29th April your day to dust off your dancing shoes.

Simple steps to get going with your goal

Are you happy with your life? Are you caught up in the day, sleepwalking through life rather than having a plan for your future? Of course, not everyone wants to focus on a goal, and that's fine, but if you feel you're drifting and feel you're missing out, maybe you could ask yourself a few honest questions...

What do you want in life? What would make you truly happy? By this I don't mean what would make you happy for 5 minutes, but what would ultimately make you content? If you had the things you desire, in what way would that change your life? How would it affect others? Is what you want realistic? For example you might say that you really want to win the lottery, but when you break it down, is it the lottery you want to win or simply to be free from financial worries? By looking at it in this way it can become more achievable. You can start looking at the ways that you can help yourself to achieve your goals rather than putting all your hope on the winning lottery numbers.

The next step would be to break your goal down from a year, to a month, to a week, to a day, to an hour, to now in this very moment. What could you be doing right now to achieve your goal? If your goal is financially related, do you really need to spend money on a takeaway when you can alleviate your hunger and be just as satisfied by whipping up something at home. Maybe you could prepare a packed lunch instead of buying a sandwich in a cafe or shop? Over the course of the day do you spend three or four (or more) pounds on cappuccinos when you could make a drink at home or work? All these things add up. A really useful experiment to try is for one week to fight the urge to spend on unnecessary things and instead put that money in a jar and count it at the end of that week. You'll be amazed at how much money you have saved and this knowledge may have you thinking twice the next time you reach for that chocolate bar, magazine or other impulse purchase. Don't get me wrong, I'm not condemning treating yourself occasionally, but sometimes you can reap bigger rewards by limiting unnecessary treats.

Looking further into the future, ask yourself what you can do in the next month to assist you in your chosen goal? Maybe you could explore training opportunities or enrol on a course which could lead to a new job or career rather than staying in a job that's going no-where or that you don't enjoy. Many people tell themselves that they 'can't' do something, when in truth, they are only held back by their self-limiting beliefs or fear of failure. Have confidence in your ability. Do whatever is necessary to put yourself in the right mind-set to make things happen. Spend time with positive people who will be supportive and who will encourage you in your goals. If you still doubt yourself or lack self esteem, it may be beneficial to invest in some therapy or coaching. Believe in yourself and what you can achieve. We may not have the power to re-write our past but we can be the authors of our own future.

Performance anxiety: Give your mind a make-over.

Nausea? Sweaty palms? Racing heart? Doubt? 
Welcome to the (not so wonderful) world of performance anxiety, something that most of us have felt at some point in our lives. So where does it stem from? How can we control it? 

Well-meaning people might advise practising deep breathing or tell us to 'stay calm' before a performance of some kind. Whilst their intention is to be helpful, just being told to relax, won't necessarily help. Recent studies suggest that there may be more effective ways to get a grip on performance anxiety.

Let's imagine a scenario where you might feel anxious:

After a series of job applications in which you receive polite generic letters thanking you for your application but stating that 'on this occasion you were not chosen' but that 'your details will be kept on file' for future vacancies', joy of joys you open a reply that states 'Thank you for your application, we would like you to come in for an interview'. After doing a victory dance in your living room, slowly the weight of the request starts to creep up on you and what two minutes ago seemed like the best thing in the world, now starts to look the complete opposite. Cue, performance anxiety.

So in the space of those two minutes 'what actually changed?' the answer is 'your mindset'. The situation is exactly the same as it was those two minutes ago, but whereas your initial reaction was jubilation, what you're left with is a sinking feeling as you realise what being asked to come for an interview entails. We only feel this way about things that matter to us - if we didn't care about the outcome, we wouldn't feel this way. Having said that, we probably wouldn't have been dancing around the room in jubilation either.

Believe it or not, a small amount of nervousness can be helpful but it's about knowing how to balance it and not letting it overwhelm you. A recent study from Harvard Business School (1) suggests that pumping yourself up, rather than calming yourself down, might be the answer. Focusing on the excitement of the situation and your ideal outcome will put you in a healthier frame of mind than focusing on your nerves and all the things that could possibly go wrong. Top speakers and performers have used similar techniques for centuries and the more you start to think in this way, the easier it becomes.

When I see clients who want help with presentation nerves, exam nerves or interview nerves, I teach them how to 're-frame' their thinking, to mentally rehearse their desired outcome and to anchor their positive visualisation with a physical or verbal cue. Top speakers and performers have used similar techniques for centuries and the more you start to think in this way, the easier it becomes. So, the next time you feel the waves of dread before a situation in which you need to perform well, embrace your nerves (excitement) and focus on what you want, rather than the opposite. By putting these techniques into practice, you might well be pleasantly surprised with the results.

Who gets depressed?

Who gets depressed and why, has long been a matter of debate. Some people believe it is a chemical imbalance in the brain, but that is just one theory. Some consider this theory to be little more than a guess, as it's not possible to accurately measure these chemicals in the brain.

Others believe that depression is most often a learned behaviour. A child may observe and adopt the parent or carers negativities and ineffectual coping strategies. These might not surface until something negative happens to them later in life. The internal negative feelings may then rise to the surface and the person could then go on to become habitually depressed.

The onset of depression isn't usually triggered by one specific problem. It's generally an accumulation of various problems in life which the individual may have been dealing with, until one extra problem occurs that tips them into a depressive state. When this happens it's easy to assume that that particular problem is the cause of the depression but this is unlikely.

Human beings are creatures of habit which means that the more a person thinks and feels negatively or positively the more this becomes their reality. It is common for people to misunderstand depression and they may assume that a depressed person is being weak or simply feeling sorry for themselves. Critical comments are unhelpful and can leave a depressed person feeling guilty about their thoughts and feelings, which can lead to them feeling more depressed.

Depression is likely to affect a person physically as well as emotionally. They may over or under eat or self-medicate with alcohol. They are likely to sleep too much or be unable to sleep. A decrease in libido, fatigue and anxiety are all linked to depression and they are unlikely to able to find pleasure in anything. Depression can also result in poor concentration, errors of judgment and the inability to make decisions.

No matter the type or severity of the depression, it is possible for the individual to break the cycle. Recognising and acknowledging that they are depressed is the first step towards change and the next step is to obtain the relevant help. Anti-depressants or talking therapy may be offered, but only talking therapies will change the individual's feelings and behaviour long-term. By changing their habits and behaviour, they will change how they feel and break the cycle and expect much better results. By getting therapy and knowing what to do differently, people can change their lives. Depression can be controlled and when treated by a skilled hypnotherapist or talking therapist, the outcome can be excellent.

New ways to feel better fast

When it comes to exercise even the most dedicated of us can occasionally be tempted to put it off until the weather is better, work is quieter, or for a more convenient time. For anyone suffering from depression however, the thought of exercise is unlikely to be appealing. They are much more likely to want to crawl underneath the duvet and hibernate. Does this sound familiar?

So how does exercise help? Well, firstly, it's not possible to worry or feel down at the same time as exercising. Just doing something different is a distraction to negative thoughts and rumination and physical exertion can stimulate the release of endorphins that leave you feeling happier.

An activity such as yoga, can work wonders for your mind and body and can leave you feeling both calmer and more energised. Dog walking can also be a good way to get regular exercise and can be an easy way to meet other people. An early morning walk can help someone mildly depressed to get up and get moving. It can provide some social connection too that might otherwise be avoided. I once knew a man who was 'prescribed' a dog by his GP. Sceptical at first, after getting a dog, he noticed a significant improvement in his mood and become more comfortable with  social interaction.

Vigorous exercise is unlikely to appeal to someone feeling low, and if you've been depressed, you'll understand that, but if it is undertaken, it shouldn't be done too close to bedtime as it is mentally stimulating. Gentle exercise however, can improve sleep quality and mental well-being. The type of exercise chosen can also make a difference; if exercise is fun it is more likely to be continued. 

George W Burns, therapist and author, developed a sensory awareness inventory (SAI) which can be helpful for those experiencing low mood. Therapists using this approach may task a client with making a list of items or activities which give them pleasure, enjoyment or comfort. The categories suggested by Burns are: Sight, Sound, Smell, Taste, Touch and Activity.

I have used this approach with clients and found that the majority of things listed by clients tend to be nature-related. These could be things like the smell of cut grass, the sound of the sea, feeding ducks at the park or stroking an animal. Many of the stimuli listed by clients required them to go outdoors and most were cheap or free. Sadly, very few of these simple pleasures were being pursued by clients feeling low. Busy people too, might neglect nature's restorative qualities; often choosing to turn to alcohol or food instead. 

You don't need to be down to do this. If you like the idea of trying this task, why not draw up your own list. Give yourself plenty of time and list at least 10 things in each category. Then, whether it's exercise you're missing or something outdoors you've not seen or done in a while, commit to doing it. Don't delay, get out, get going and see how you feel. Just doing something can serve to distract you from old thought and behavioural patterns. Enjoy!

Resolve to be resolute

Yes folks, it is that time of year again. The time when we resolve to ‘lose some weight’, ‘give up smoking’,’ finally finish writing that novel’. It's one thing to get swept up in the hype and make a resolution, but it’s another thing entirely to stick to it. The idea of making a resolution is to be resolute. The definition of the word resolute is to be admirably purposeful, determined, and unwavering, yet how many of us can genuinely say that when we make a new year's resolution we believe we are going to succeed?

To put it bluntly, following through on a resolution takes determination and effort. If you’re not willing to put in the effort then you’re only fooling yourself. Should you then fail (which you will if you don’t commit) you’ll end up feeling worse than before you made the resolution. When we feel bad we will often default back to our habit of comfort eating, having a ‘sneaky’ fag, procrastinating about exercise in favour of watching trash TV. Sound familiar?

The way to stop this cycle is to first ask yourself deep down, if you really want to change. It’s easy to say "yes, I don’t want to be fat" or "I want to be healthier" or "I want to have my novel published". Many times however the lure of the 'reward' (albeit temporary) overpowers our decision to make a change and we can end up back where we were. If we truly want to succeed we need to be immovable, like a mountain, and the way to do that is to develop a strong and determined mindset. There are various ways to achieve this and I’m going to suggest a few which when combined together can create a powerful force.

1. Simply put, choose just one thing you want to change and focus all your energies on that. People often write a list of things they want to change about themselves in the New Year, but again by doing that you are setting yourself up for failure. By stretching yourself in too many directions at once you will only be putting a fraction of your energy or resolve into each thing which will in turn bring only a fraction of the results.

2. Visualise. Visualise. Visualise. Visualisation is one of the most powerful tools at your disposal and the beauty of it is that anyone visualise. If you’re new to visualisation there are many books on the subject which will help you realise the value of this and give you techniques to do it. One simple way is to find a quiet room where you won’t be distracted, close your eyes and picture in your minds eye what you would like to achieve. See yourself standing in front of the mirror in that dress that’s one or two sizes smaller than what you currently wear. See yourself walking or running easily without feeling short of breath and notice your more radiant complexion and fingers free from nicotine stains. See yourself as the proud author of your finished novel. Picture your book on Amazon or on the shelves of a bookshop. Imagine yourself signing copies of your work. Be detailed in your thoughts and experience the pleasure and relaxation that can be derived from this personal time. Do this for at least 5 or 10 minutes every day until you start to feel the feelings of having this be your reality. Notice how even when you are just visualising you start to smile and feel happier within yourself. Believe with your entire being that this is your reality and it could well come true. The mind is a truly phenomenal and it has the power to turn what we imagine into reality. A song that fits in with this idea is R. Kelly’s ‘I believe I can fly’. I would recommend listening to this as it sums up the idea of visualisation perfectly.

3. Enlist the help of family or friends or find a self-help book related to your goals. By doing these things you give yourself a support network which can be very valuable. As humans we all stumble from time to time and it’s nothing to be ashamed of, but rather than dwell on it and use it as an excuse to revert back to old habits, pick yourself up, dust yourself off and re-focus your mind. Having that support can make this process easier and also help reinforce why you have resolved to do this particular thing.

Put these ideas into practice and make 2014 a year for positive change.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!