For most of us when we reach adulthood, childhood becomes a distant memory. Yet the memories consciously and unconsciously collected during childhood might not be as distant as you would think. Take a step back and think for a moment about something that makes you anxious or fearful. It might be going to an event where you know you might have to be around a large group or crowds of people? Giving a speech in front of others? Or over-thinking or worrying about situations? Fear and anxiety are learned behaviour and with a bit of help we could unlearn that behaviour.
Each of us has an 'inner child' and how our 'inner child' feels at a particular moment is reflected in our adult selves. If our 'inner child' feels good and positive then consequently so does our outer adult. This also works on the flip-side too. If our 'inner child' feels negative or lacks self-esteem so too does our outer adult.
What tends to happen is that over the years our minds become conditioned to feeling and thinking in a certain way and that becomes our default mode. Have you ever had that moment where you hear a song that takes you back to a negative experience or maybe someone says something that 'pushes your buttons'? These triggers can set us off on a path to negative thinking or anxiety, even though our adult and rational self can see that it's inappropriate.
The good news is that we do have the power to change the way we feel about ourselves and about situations. This is where 'inner child healing' comes in. I believe it is something that would greatly benefit all of us. We shouldn't and don't have to carry around emotional baggage from our childhood. Instead by getting help to heal your 'inner child', you will have the ability to live a more contented and well balanced life.
Inner Child Healing isn't about someone else doing something to us, but is a process that we participate in and have some control over.
Good rapport with my clients is essential and Inner Child Healing isn't something I would suggest at our first session. Clients need to feel comfortable and safe and ready to communicate with their child-self whilst in hypnosis. The process is very therapeutic and most people can benefit from it, especially those who have had a difficult childhood or who have suffered physical or sexual abuse.
People who have undergone 'inner child healing' often describe it as a liberating experience and it can work with all personality types - the analytical and the more reflective. The process is very creative, and allows you to tap into your imagination and draw from your own well of creative resources in order to make a connection with your 'inner self'. Sometimes we are unaware of where our problems or pain stem from and this therapeutic approach can allow us to re-connect with our inner child. The process can also be content-free meaning you are under no obligation to reveal details of the conversations or interactions you and your inner child share, although many clients do like to talk through their experience. Inner Child Healing can be for many a wonderful, rewarding experience.
Not a Hangover... Bruxism
If you wake up with a headache but haven't had a drink (or not enough to cause a hangover) you may be suffering from Bruxism. Bruxism is the medical name for teeth grinding or teeth clenching and is a common problem which affects up to 30% of the population. This behaviour, which often happens during sleep, may cause minimal symptoms, but sometimes the effects may be severe. Headaches are just one of the symptoms of bruxism - aching jaw muscle, damage to teeth, fillings and crowns can occur and difficulty in opening the jaw or speaking can be experienced in more extreme cases.
Teeth grinding and jaw clenching, more commonly experienced a night, can also happen while you are awake (especially during times of stress or anxiety). Sometimes, people can grind without it causing any problems, but regular and persistant teeth grinding often causes pain and discomfort in the jaw and can wear down teeth. Bruxism affects sufferers in many ways and the effects can be short-term or long-term. Headaches, earache, jaw pain and insomnia, will dissapear when the teeth clenching or grinding stops but other symptoms , such as Tempopromandibular Joint Disorder (TMJ) or tooth grinding are more serious and can be permanent.
Dentists can offer mouth guards if you clench or grind your teeth at night, but many people say they find these uncomfortable or remove them in their sleep. Exercises to relax muscles can help and I teach clients some of these - in and out of hypnosis.
Hypnosis as a treatment for bruxism has long been under review and some bruxists have found considereable relief throgh using hypnosis. One study reviewed the long-term effects of hypnotherapy and recorded positive outcomes were still felt 3 years later.
If you suffer from sleep bruxism, its worth considering some changes to your night-time routines as well to better prepare you for sleep. Going to bed stressed or with lots on your mind can affcet your quality (& quantity) of sleep. Poor sleep can cause or exacerbate many problems apart from bruxism, such as anxious behaviours, poor concentration and over-eating. Addressing the causes of stress or anxiety is essential in my view, to breaking the habit of teeth grinding and hypnotherapy is a great way to help clients not only to 'switch off their brain' and relax but is also an effective therapy for treating underlying issues.
Teeth grinding and jaw clenching, more commonly experienced a night, can also happen while you are awake (especially during times of stress or anxiety). Sometimes, people can grind without it causing any problems, but regular and persistant teeth grinding often causes pain and discomfort in the jaw and can wear down teeth. Bruxism affects sufferers in many ways and the effects can be short-term or long-term. Headaches, earache, jaw pain and insomnia, will dissapear when the teeth clenching or grinding stops but other symptoms , such as Tempopromandibular Joint Disorder (TMJ) or tooth grinding are more serious and can be permanent.
Dentists can offer mouth guards if you clench or grind your teeth at night, but many people say they find these uncomfortable or remove them in their sleep. Exercises to relax muscles can help and I teach clients some of these - in and out of hypnosis.
Hypnosis as a treatment for bruxism has long been under review and some bruxists have found considereable relief throgh using hypnosis. One study reviewed the long-term effects of hypnotherapy and recorded positive outcomes were still felt 3 years later.
If you suffer from sleep bruxism, its worth considering some changes to your night-time routines as well to better prepare you for sleep. Going to bed stressed or with lots on your mind can affcet your quality (& quantity) of sleep. Poor sleep can cause or exacerbate many problems apart from bruxism, such as anxious behaviours, poor concentration and over-eating. Addressing the causes of stress or anxiety is essential in my view, to breaking the habit of teeth grinding and hypnotherapy is a great way to help clients not only to 'switch off their brain' and relax but is also an effective therapy for treating underlying issues.
Give it up for good! Part 2 - Go Sober October
Recently I worked with a client who has been drinking a bottle of wine every night for some years and after only two sessions of hypnosis with me is no longer drinking and is very much enjoying being in control of his alcohol intake. Now, that's not to say that all clients will experience such a swift change - stopping drinking can be very hard. For some people it's a social habit, or has become part of a switching off or relaxation routine at the end of the working day. Many people self-medicate with alcohol just as they do with drugs and food - using these substances to change their mood. For others, alcohol is an addiction. Interestingly, although many people contact me for help to stop or manage their drinking, they almost always say "I'm not an alcoholic". I guess no-one likes the idea of being addicted to anything, but seeing alcoholics only as those who start drinking alcohol on waking or can't hold down a job and sleep in the park is unhelpful, even though this stereotypical view of alcoholism seems pretty widespread.
Go Sober brings an opportunity for all of us to review our drinking habits and behaviour. So what prompts you to reach for a bottle of wine or a Scotch and how easy do you think you'd find it to give up drinking for a month? Having an incentive such as 'Go Sober' can often help people to 'stay on track' for a set period and it will be interesting to see how many participants modify their drinking patterns and relationship with drink in the longer term. But for now, a big thumbs up and huge cheer goes out to all the charity teetotallers! Well done!
Give it up for good! Part 1 - Stoptober October
Stopbtober is an NHS driven campaign to encourage people to quit smoking for the month. The rationale is that if people can stop smoking for a month, many will remain non-smokers for good. Anything that helps people (who want to quit) to break their smoking habit is a good thing and giving up for a month shows commitment to quitting. And commitment is essential for success. When clients call me to book for hypnotherapy to stop smoking, I always check out their commitment and motivation level before agreeing to work with them. That may sound harsh, but if someone doesn't really want to quit smoking, and 'deep down' they want to continue, that's what they'll likely do. However, if someone is motivated to stop smoking and really wants to succeed, hypnotherapy makes quitting easier for many people. When I work with clients who want to stop smoking, I first of all listen to details of their smoking pattern and triggers. It could be easy to assume that everyone who wants to quit is concerned about the health implications or maybe the cost of cigarette smoking, but it's important for me to listen to client's rather than make assumptions. If a client wants to stop because they hate the smell on their clothes or breath, or because they're planning to conceive, then me talking to them in hypnosis about the state of their lungs or heart, will not resonate with them and the message won't be absorbed. As with all therapy work I do with clients, listening and asking questions is an important part of the process. Recently I have worked with a woman who wanted to conceive, one who's already pregnant, another who hated the smell of smoke and another who feels it looks unladylike and doesn't portray the image she wants to convey about herself. None were overly concerned about their personal health or their finances! Two men I've seen recently have wanted to break the smoke/drink association and another was concerned that his golf was suffering as his fitness level was (in his view) being impacted by his smoking habit. Many people who want to quit smoking, but don't want to continue their nicotine habit/addiction (by using patches or e-cigs) will choose hypnosis over 'cold turkey' to stop. Some people like the challenge of 'going alone' and that's brilliant. If you choose this route, tell people you're quitting to gain their support. Avoid (if it's feasible) going to places smokers go, until such time that you feel you won't be tempted, and be aware that many people who quit for months or years can 'slip back' by having 'just one' at a wedding or New Year. In fact, telling people you're quitting is wise, whichever method you choose as the potential of 'losing face' can help, and quitting in secret may suggest a lack of commitment - there's no consequence or embarrassment factor if you 'fail'. With my smoking cessation hypnotherapy, I include a Quit4Life self-hypnosis CD to help keep you 'on track' and clients tell me they find this very helpful as it reinforces the work we do in our face-to-face session. Whatever you decide to do, I wish you the best of luck.
What makes Andy Murray a winner?
Well, it's being a brilliant tennis player of course, but in sport, as in life, it's not just about natural talent, or hard work but it's also a lot to do with mindset. Andy Murray, like Jessica Ennis, Sir Chris Hoy and other sports greats, is determined and motivated and has self-belief. And this is the crucial element. Whilst not wanting to 'diss' Tim Henman, did he ever really look as if he believed he could win Wimbledon? Not to me.
So where does this self-belief come from? Well, if you've been praised and encouraged as a child, it will be more natural to believe that you 'can' rather than you 'can't'. If one or both of your parents demonstrated a positive sense of self-worth, then confidence and self-esteem, will more likely be one of your characteristics. This isn't about genetics, it's about learned behaviour. From our earliest days, we were observing and absorbing ways of responding to life events, and these memories were filed away into 'folders' in our heads, that we could access later in life, when we needed to 'know' how to behave.
Does that mean that those of us who weren't brought up by confident , high achieving parents, or who experienced trauma or a dysfunctional family life, are destined to a life of mediocrity or failure? No, not necessarily. Disadvantage or difficult circumstances can be a great motivator for some. We probably all know, or know of, someone who decided that they wanted a better life and worked hard to achieve it, overcoming obstacles and challenges along the way.
For others, who have been criticised, bullied or abused, self-belief and confidence can be harder to achieve, but it can be done. No-one is born with low self-esteem, it has been learned as a response to situations or treatment by others, and because it has been learned, it can be un-learned. Now, please don't misunderstand me, I'm not minimising the detrimental effect of negative input from others, but as a hypnotherapist, I work with clients to change their limiting beliefs and I love to see them go on to do things they never dreamt they'd be able to do.
My job is to enable clients - to help them to change their internal dialogue or self talk. Many people focus on what they don't want, and talk about what they don't want, and get what they don't want. You need to be able to imagine achieving what you want, as you'll never achieve the unimaginable. Now I'm not a betting person, but I'm willing to wager that Andy Murray wasn't focused on losing when he stepped on to centre court last Sunday...
So, what would you do, if you believed you could?
Do something amazing - today's the day
Several years ago I received a text that simply said: "I did it, I did it - Tony Hancock would have been proud!". "Well done" I replied, unaware of the sender's identity, learning later that the sender was a client I had seen for one session, weeks before. This client had a fear of hospitals, a fear of needles and especially a fear of blood tests.
For those who aren't old enough to remember the late Tony Hancock, he was a comedian who had a TV sketch show. In an episode called 'The Blood Donor', he vascillated over donating blood to great comedic effect.
I regularly see clients who have a needle phobia, are afraid of having medical tests or have some form of 'White Coat Syndrome' and I use a combination of Hypnosis and NLP to help them overcome their fear.
This week is National Blood Week and today, 14th June, is World Blood Donation Day. One of the aims of this awareness day is to get to the position where all blood given globally, is charitably donated. Whoever you are and wherever you live, you may need blood at some time and apparently 96% of us here rely on the other 4% to give blood.
If you'd like to give blood, but are afraid of needles or afraid of blood, give me a call. For the rest of June 2013, I am offering 25% off my normal session fee/s for clients who want help to feel comfortable and confident to donate blood.
'Do something amazing today' is the familiar strapline and call to action of 'Give Blood' (www.blood.co.uk) so if you want to overcome your fear and do something amazing this June, call me now on 020 8947 338 to book your discounted session... Tony Hancock would be proud!
For those who aren't old enough to remember the late Tony Hancock, he was a comedian who had a TV sketch show. In an episode called 'The Blood Donor', he vascillated over donating blood to great comedic effect.
I regularly see clients who have a needle phobia, are afraid of having medical tests or have some form of 'White Coat Syndrome' and I use a combination of Hypnosis and NLP to help them overcome their fear.
This week is National Blood Week and today, 14th June, is World Blood Donation Day. One of the aims of this awareness day is to get to the position where all blood given globally, is charitably donated. Whoever you are and wherever you live, you may need blood at some time and apparently 96% of us here rely on the other 4% to give blood.
If you'd like to give blood, but are afraid of needles or afraid of blood, give me a call. For the rest of June 2013, I am offering 25% off my normal session fee/s for clients who want help to feel comfortable and confident to donate blood.
'Do something amazing today' is the familiar strapline and call to action of 'Give Blood' (www.blood.co.uk) so if you want to overcome your fear and do something amazing this June, call me now on 020 8947 338 to book your discounted session... Tony Hancock would be proud!
The upside of downtime - How to stop unhelpful head chatter through mindfulness & self-hypnosis
As Westerners we often spend a lot of time 'in our head', thinking about
what we need to do in the future or what we did in the past, rather than
'living in the now'. As we can only live or act in the present, keeping our
head in the past or in the future however good they were (or may be) affects
our effectiveness and enjoyment of life - many of us know someone who is
putting something off until 'the time is right'.
Anxious people often re-run old conversations or situations, mostly with
a negative, rather than positive focus. They may also 'catastrophise' and run a
number of extremely negative, often irrational scenarios that could (but are
unlikely to) arise - their mind literally 'runs away with them'. This is
clearly distressing and limiting for the individual concerned. Less often,
people can get carried away with positive visions, and these people are sometimes
described as fantasists or worse.
In my work as a hypnotherapist, I teach stressed or anxious clients a
method of mindfulness (self-hypnosis) that I call the self-awareness method. Mindfulness is a type of meditation that has its roots in Buddhism and is an easy way to clear the head of 'internal chatter'. You don't need to be a buddhist or to come from a particular culture and anyone can learn how to do it.
When practising mindfulness you become aware of
physical sensations, sights, sounds, smells - small things you might not normally
notice. It's a great way to stop over-thinking and get into a calm and tranquil state. It can be used as a simple relaxation technique, a good preparation for sleep
or to help with pain management or low mood. As part of my hypnosis for
childbirth sessions pregnant women learn how to prepare for natural drug-free
birthing through this simple method and it really is, in my view, a skill for
life.
If you'd like more information on how mindfulness, self hypnosis or
guided hypnosis could help you, just give me a call me now on 020 8947 3338 for
a free consultation.
March 1st - Work your proper hours day - How's your work / life balance?
Is unpaid overtime ruining your home or social life? Do you resent working through your lunch, staying late or taking work home? Maybe working more hours than you're paid for is the culture in your organisation and you accept it happily, glad to have a job... Maybe you stay late in the office or take work home because your workload would overwhelm you if you only did your paid for hours... Could be you feel valued or important or want to get promoted... Or maybe you're self-employed and there is no 'knocking off' time. Whatever the reason you work excessive hours, the effect on your health and wellbeing can be significant. Stress, anxiety, insomnia and relationship difficulties (including loss of libido) can all result from a poor work / life balance, and if unaddressed could lead to more serious or long term health problems.
So, at the risk of asking a daft question, do you really need to work so many extra hours? Is there something you could do that would reduce your workload? Ironically, I have worked with clients who want to stop smoking, but say they value their fag breaks. These short breaks provide an opportunity to leave the work place for 10 minutes and have a chat with fellow smokers. Clearly, I'm not recommending smoking as a healthy lifestyle choice, but getting away from your desk or work environment in your lunch break can make a difference to how you feel physically and emotionally and a walk in the fresh air can really re-charge your batteries.
If you are one of the 5 million + UK workers who do unpaid overtime and there's really no escaping it, making time to unwind and doing things for you is crucial. Many people self-medicate with alcohol, dope or food to cope with stress or as part of their wind-down process, but if you enjoy reading, listening to music, or a long soak in a bubble bath, why not factor that into your evening. Another night in front of the TV with a tray on your lap and a glass in your hand, is a night you'll never get back. If you really can't shorten your working day, make the best use of the time you have and enjoy your evening.
So, at the risk of asking a daft question, do you really need to work so many extra hours? Is there something you could do that would reduce your workload? Ironically, I have worked with clients who want to stop smoking, but say they value their fag breaks. These short breaks provide an opportunity to leave the work place for 10 minutes and have a chat with fellow smokers. Clearly, I'm not recommending smoking as a healthy lifestyle choice, but getting away from your desk or work environment in your lunch break can make a difference to how you feel physically and emotionally and a walk in the fresh air can really re-charge your batteries.
If you are one of the 5 million + UK workers who do unpaid overtime and there's really no escaping it, making time to unwind and doing things for you is crucial. Many people self-medicate with alcohol, dope or food to cope with stress or as part of their wind-down process, but if you enjoy reading, listening to music, or a long soak in a bubble bath, why not factor that into your evening. Another night in front of the TV with a tray on your lap and a glass in your hand, is a night you'll never get back. If you really can't shorten your working day, make the best use of the time you have and enjoy your evening.
40 days on... How are your resolutions going?
It's now 40 days since many of you resolved to change something and if you've made it this far without slipping back, well done!
Of course not everyone is giving something up. Whilst it's a traditional time to stop smoking or get back on a diet, other people are starting, rather than stopping something. Gyms and health clubs see a surge in new members every January, but having worked as a therapist in a health club for 15 years before opening my own therapy centre, I have witnessed this phenomenon first hand and gyms in January can be bedlam. Now that we are into February, attendance will have diminished and many will have stopped going altogether.
If you started an evening class in January, do you still go when it's cold, wet or snowy and if so, is your class getting smaller week by week? Those who decided in January that a career change was needed and signed up for an expensive training course, may be more committed. Some believe the more money an individual invests in their change, the more committed they will be, and this is why some hypnotherapists charge a very high fee for smoking cessation sessions. I'm not sure if this theory is watertight though - do super swanky health clubs retain more members than mainstream gyms?
I believe a lot of it comes down to wanting something enough, being able to see yourself doing things differently and making sure your goals are realistic. This doesn't mean you need to think small, but if you can't visualise how it will look and feel when you have 'got there' and can't mentally rehearse the outcome, you are less likely to succeed.
February is a busy month for me, as many who failed to keep to their resolutions, seek help with change. Specialising in hypnotherapy for weight loss and eating issues, I see lots of men and women all year round who want to change their relationship with food and stop yo-yo dieting. Other habit change such as smoking and drinking forms a fair chunk of my work at this time of year. One client who wasn't ready to quit smoking at New Year, has booked a hypnotherapy session with me next week in time to quit for lent, which for them could be an added incentive. Like 'Stoptober' where people were encouraged to stop smoking for 30 days, lent could offer the habit interruption that can make changing easier.
It really doesn't matter if you've stumbled and haven't changed your life in January - you can choose to make changes at any time. When there's no pressure and no-one knows your plan, you may find it easier. Why not make March 1st your 'start' or 'stop' day or as that famous slogan says, 'Just do it'
Of course not everyone is giving something up. Whilst it's a traditional time to stop smoking or get back on a diet, other people are starting, rather than stopping something. Gyms and health clubs see a surge in new members every January, but having worked as a therapist in a health club for 15 years before opening my own therapy centre, I have witnessed this phenomenon first hand and gyms in January can be bedlam. Now that we are into February, attendance will have diminished and many will have stopped going altogether.
If you started an evening class in January, do you still go when it's cold, wet or snowy and if so, is your class getting smaller week by week? Those who decided in January that a career change was needed and signed up for an expensive training course, may be more committed. Some believe the more money an individual invests in their change, the more committed they will be, and this is why some hypnotherapists charge a very high fee for smoking cessation sessions. I'm not sure if this theory is watertight though - do super swanky health clubs retain more members than mainstream gyms?
I believe a lot of it comes down to wanting something enough, being able to see yourself doing things differently and making sure your goals are realistic. This doesn't mean you need to think small, but if you can't visualise how it will look and feel when you have 'got there' and can't mentally rehearse the outcome, you are less likely to succeed.
February is a busy month for me, as many who failed to keep to their resolutions, seek help with change. Specialising in hypnotherapy for weight loss and eating issues, I see lots of men and women all year round who want to change their relationship with food and stop yo-yo dieting. Other habit change such as smoking and drinking forms a fair chunk of my work at this time of year. One client who wasn't ready to quit smoking at New Year, has booked a hypnotherapy session with me next week in time to quit for lent, which for them could be an added incentive. Like 'Stoptober' where people were encouraged to stop smoking for 30 days, lent could offer the habit interruption that can make changing easier.
It really doesn't matter if you've stumbled and haven't changed your life in January - you can choose to make changes at any time. When there's no pressure and no-one knows your plan, you may find it easier. Why not make March 1st your 'start' or 'stop' day or as that famous slogan says, 'Just do it'
New Year, same old resolutions?
Well, it's that time again...time to resolve to start, stop or get over something... or someone! But the word 'resolve' suggests some commitment or determination... Do you genuinely believe that you will succeed in your resolution or do you know deep down that this year will be like other years and you will fail to keep to your new way?
So what will increase your chances of success? Firstly, you need to ask yourself if you really do want the change. If you've pledged to quit smoking or stop drinking, you could be one of many who only half wants to break the habit, which despite being potentially harmful to your health, may be used as an aid to relaxation.
Secondly, if there are many changes that you want to make in your life, choose just one thing. By deciding for instance to lose weight, stop smoking and give up gambling, you are pretty much destined to fail on all three fronts. By choosing to change just one thing, you are far more likely to succeed.
Thirdly, focus on the benefits of your new pattern or behaviour. Visualise how great it will be when you're physically fit, have lovely long nails or have completed your first novel. Imagine how good it will be... what will you see, hear, feel, experience when you have made the change.
And lastly... if you have a sneaky fag at a stag do, or eat a chunk of cake at a wedding, or bite your nails down through exam nerves, or just get home from work and pour a glass of wine, don't beat yourself up or give up until next week or next new year. Put the 'blip' behind you and carry on.
Good luck!
So what will increase your chances of success? Firstly, you need to ask yourself if you really do want the change. If you've pledged to quit smoking or stop drinking, you could be one of many who only half wants to break the habit, which despite being potentially harmful to your health, may be used as an aid to relaxation.
Secondly, if there are many changes that you want to make in your life, choose just one thing. By deciding for instance to lose weight, stop smoking and give up gambling, you are pretty much destined to fail on all three fronts. By choosing to change just one thing, you are far more likely to succeed.
Thirdly, focus on the benefits of your new pattern or behaviour. Visualise how great it will be when you're physically fit, have lovely long nails or have completed your first novel. Imagine how good it will be... what will you see, hear, feel, experience when you have made the change.
And lastly... if you have a sneaky fag at a stag do, or eat a chunk of cake at a wedding, or bite your nails down through exam nerves, or just get home from work and pour a glass of wine, don't beat yourself up or give up until next week or next new year. Put the 'blip' behind you and carry on.
Good luck!
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