Resolve to be resolute

Yes folks, it is that time of year again. The time when we resolve to ‘lose some weight’, ‘give up smoking’,’ finally finish writing that novel’. It's one thing to get swept up in the hype and make a resolution, but it’s another thing entirely to stick to it. The idea of making a resolution is to be resolute. The definition of the word resolute is to be admirably purposeful, determined, and unwavering, yet how many of us can genuinely say that when we make a new year's resolution we believe we are going to succeed?

To put it bluntly, following through on a resolution takes determination and effort. If you’re not willing to put in the effort then you’re only fooling yourself. Should you then fail (which you will if you don’t commit) you’ll end up feeling worse than before you made the resolution. When we feel bad we will often default back to our habit of comfort eating, having a ‘sneaky’ fag, procrastinating about exercise in favour of watching trash TV. Sound familiar?

The way to stop this cycle is to first ask yourself deep down, if you really want to change. It’s easy to say "yes, I don’t want to be fat" or "I want to be healthier" or "I want to have my novel published". Many times however the lure of the 'reward' (albeit temporary) overpowers our decision to make a change and we can end up back where we were. If we truly want to succeed we need to be immovable, like a mountain, and the way to do that is to develop a strong and determined mindset. There are various ways to achieve this and I’m going to suggest a few which when combined together can create a powerful force.

1. Simply put, choose just one thing you want to change and focus all your energies on that. People often write a list of things they want to change about themselves in the New Year, but again by doing that you are setting yourself up for failure. By stretching yourself in too many directions at once you will only be putting a fraction of your energy or resolve into each thing which will in turn bring only a fraction of the results.

2. Visualise. Visualise. Visualise. Visualisation is one of the most powerful tools at your disposal and the beauty of it is that anyone visualise. If you’re new to visualisation there are many books on the subject which will help you realise the value of this and give you techniques to do it. One simple way is to find a quiet room where you won’t be distracted, close your eyes and picture in your minds eye what you would like to achieve. See yourself standing in front of the mirror in that dress that’s one or two sizes smaller than what you currently wear. See yourself walking or running easily without feeling short of breath and notice your more radiant complexion and fingers free from nicotine stains. See yourself as the proud author of your finished novel. Picture your book on Amazon or on the shelves of a bookshop. Imagine yourself signing copies of your work. Be detailed in your thoughts and experience the pleasure and relaxation that can be derived from this personal time. Do this for at least 5 or 10 minutes every day until you start to feel the feelings of having this be your reality. Notice how even when you are just visualising you start to smile and feel happier within yourself. Believe with your entire being that this is your reality and it could well come true. The mind is a truly phenomenal and it has the power to turn what we imagine into reality. A song that fits in with this idea is R. Kelly’s ‘I believe I can fly’. I would recommend listening to this as it sums up the idea of visualisation perfectly.

3. Enlist the help of family or friends or find a self-help book related to your goals. By doing these things you give yourself a support network which can be very valuable. As humans we all stumble from time to time and it’s nothing to be ashamed of, but rather than dwell on it and use it as an excuse to revert back to old habits, pick yourself up, dust yourself off and re-focus your mind. Having that support can make this process easier and also help reinforce why you have resolved to do this particular thing.

Put these ideas into practice and make 2014 a year for positive change.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Could you benefit from Inner Child Healing?

For most of us when we reach adulthood, childhood becomes a distant memory. Yet the memories consciously and unconsciously collected during childhood might not be as distant as you would think. Take a step back and think for a moment about something that makes you anxious or fearful. It might be going to an event where you know you might have to be around a large group or crowds of people? Giving a speech in front of others? Or over-thinking or worrying about situations? Fear and anxiety are learned behaviour and with a bit of help we could unlearn that behaviour.
Each of us has an 'inner child' and how our 'inner child' feels at a particular moment is reflected in our adult selves. If our 'inner child' feels good and positive then consequently so does our outer adult. This also works on the flip-side too. If our 'inner child' feels negative or lacks self-esteem so too does our outer adult.
What tends to happen is that over the years our minds become conditioned to feeling and thinking in a certain way and that becomes our default mode. Have you ever had that moment where you hear a song that takes you back to a negative experience or maybe someone says something that 'pushes your buttons'? These triggers can set us off on a path to negative thinking or anxiety, even though our adult and rational self can see that it's inappropriate.
The good news is that we do have the power to change the way we feel about ourselves and about situations. This is where 'inner child healing' comes in. I believe it is something that would greatly benefit all of us. We shouldn't and don't have to carry around emotional baggage from our childhood. Instead by getting help to heal your 'inner child', you will have the ability to live a more contented and well balanced life.
Inner Child Healing isn't about someone else doing something to us, but is a process that we participate in and have some control over.
Good rapport with my clients is essential and Inner Child Healing isn't something I would suggest at our first session. Clients need to feel comfortable and safe and ready to communicate with their child-self whilst in hypnosis. The process is very therapeutic and most people can benefit from it, especially those who have had a difficult childhood or who have suffered physical or sexual abuse.
People who have undergone 'inner child healing' often describe it as a liberating experience and it can work with all personality types - the analytical and the more reflective. The process is very creative, and allows you to tap into your imagination and draw from your own well of creative resources in order to make a connection with your 'inner self'. Sometimes we are unaware of where our problems or pain stem from and this therapeutic approach can allow us to re-connect with our inner child. The process can also be content-free meaning you are under no obligation to reveal details of the conversations or interactions you and your inner child share, although many clients do like to talk through their experience. Inner Child Healing can be for many a wonderful, rewarding experience.

Not a Hangover... Bruxism

If you wake up with a headache but haven't had a drink (or not enough to cause a hangover) you may be suffering from Bruxism. Bruxism is the medical name for teeth grinding or teeth clenching and is a common problem which affects up to 30% of the population. This behaviour, which often happens during sleep, may cause minimal symptoms, but sometimes the effects may be severe. Headaches are just one of the symptoms of bruxism - aching jaw muscle, damage to teeth, fillings and crowns can occur and difficulty in opening the jaw or speaking can be experienced in more extreme cases.

Teeth grinding and jaw clenching, more commonly experienced a night, can also happen while you are awake (especially during times of stress or anxiety). Sometimes, people can grind without it causing any problems, but regular and persistant teeth grinding often causes pain and discomfort in the jaw and can wear down teeth. Bruxism affects sufferers in many ways and the effects can be short-term or long-term. Headaches, earache, jaw pain and insomnia, will dissapear when the teeth clenching or grinding stops but other symptoms , such as Tempopromandibular Joint Disorder (TMJ) or tooth grinding are more serious and can be permanent.

Dentists can offer mouth guards if you clench or grind your teeth at night, but many people say they find these uncomfortable or remove them in their sleep. Exercises to relax muscles can help and I teach clients some of these - in and out of hypnosis.
Hypnosis as a treatment for bruxism has long been under review and some bruxists have found considereable relief throgh using hypnosis. One study reviewed the long-term effects of hypnotherapy and recorded positive outcomes were still felt 3 years later.

If you suffer from sleep bruxism, its worth considering some changes to your night-time routines as well to better prepare you for sleep. Going to bed stressed or with lots on your mind can affcet your quality (& quantity) of sleep. Poor sleep can cause or exacerbate many problems apart from bruxism, such as anxious behaviours, poor concentration and over-eating. Addressing the causes of stress or anxiety is essential in my view, to breaking the habit of teeth grinding and hypnotherapy is a great way to help clients not only to 'switch off their brain' and relax but is also an effective therapy for treating underlying issues.

Give it up for good! Part 2 - Go Sober October

October has become the month for giving something up... or at least abstaining! Two weeks ago I wrote about quitting smoking (Stoptober) and today it's stopping drinking. The new MacMillan cancer campaign is Go Sober in October. So far two people have emailed me for sponsorship and I've been happy to donate to such a great cause. Happy too, to support a relative who is giving up drinking for 31 days. Already she has blogged that she is sleeping better and feeling more energetic and alert... and that was after only a few days!

Recently I worked with a client who has been drinking a bottle of wine every night for some years and after only two sessions of hypnosis with me is no longer drinking and is very much enjoying being in control of his alcohol intake. Now, that's not to say that all clients will experience such a swift change - stopping drinking can be very hard. For some people it's a social habit, or has become part of a switching off or relaxation routine at the end of the working day. Many people self-medicate with alcohol just as they do with drugs and food - using these substances to change their mood. For others, alcohol is an addiction. Interestingly, although many people contact me for help to stop or manage their drinking, they almost always say "I'm not an alcoholic". I guess no-one likes the idea of being addicted to anything, but seeing alcoholics only as those who start drinking alcohol on waking or can't hold down a job and sleep in the park is unhelpful, even though this stereotypical view of alcoholism seems pretty widespread.

Go Sober brings an opportunity for all of us to review our drinking habits and behaviour. So what prompts you to reach for a bottle of wine or a Scotch and how easy do you think you'd find it to give up drinking for a month? Having an incentive such as 'Go Sober' can often help people to 'stay on track' for a set period and it will be interesting to see how many participants modify their drinking patterns and relationship with drink in the longer term. But for now, a big thumbs up and huge cheer goes out to all the charity teetotallers! Well done!

Give it up for good! Part 1 - Stoptober October

Today is the day when thousands of people in the UK are giving up booze or fags for October.

Stopbtober is an NHS driven campaign to encourage people to quit smoking for the month. The rationale is that if people can stop smoking for a month, many will remain non-smokers for good. Anything that helps people (who want to quit) to break their smoking habit is a good thing and giving up for a month shows commitment to quitting. And commitment is essential for success. When clients call me to book for hypnotherapy to stop smoking, I always check out their commitment and motivation level before agreeing to work with them. That may sound harsh, but if someone doesn't really want to quit smoking, and 'deep down' they want to continue, that's what they'll likely do. However, if someone is motivated to stop smoking and really wants to succeed, hypnotherapy makes quitting easier for many people. When I work with clients who want to stop smoking, I first of all listen to details of their smoking pattern and triggers. It could be easy to assume that everyone who wants to quit is concerned about the health implications or maybe the cost of cigarette smoking, but it's important for me to listen to client's rather than make assumptions. If a client wants to stop because they hate the smell on their clothes or breath, or because they're planning to conceive, then me talking to them in hypnosis about the state of their lungs or heart, will not resonate with them and the message won't be absorbed. As with all therapy work I do with clients, listening and asking questions is an important part of the process. Recently I have worked with a woman who wanted to conceive, one who's already pregnant, another who hated the smell of smoke and another who feels it looks unladylike and doesn't portray the image she wants to convey about herself. None were overly concerned about their personal health or their finances! Two men I've seen recently have wanted to break the smoke/drink association and another was concerned that his golf was suffering as his fitness level was (in his view) being impacted by his smoking habit. Many people who want to quit smoking, but don't want to continue their nicotine habit/addiction (by using patches or e-cigs) will choose hypnosis over 'cold turkey' to stop. Some people like the challenge of 'going alone' and that's brilliant. If you choose this route, tell people you're quitting to gain their support. Avoid (if it's feasible) going to places smokers go, until such time that you feel you won't be tempted, and be aware that many people who quit for months or years can 'slip back' by having 'just one' at a wedding or New Year. In fact, telling people you're quitting is wise, whichever method you choose as the potential of 'losing face' can help, and quitting in secret may suggest a lack of commitment - there's no consequence or embarrassment factor if you 'fail'. With my smoking cessation hypnotherapy, I include a Quit4Life self-hypnosis CD to help keep you 'on track' and clients tell me they find this very helpful as it reinforces the work we do in our face-to-face session. Whatever you decide to do, I wish you the best of luck.

What makes Andy Murray a winner?

Well, it's being a brilliant tennis player of course, but in sport, as in life, it's not just about natural talent, or hard work but it's also a lot to do with mindset. Andy Murray, like Jessica Ennis, Sir Chris Hoy and other sports greats, is determined and motivated and has self-belief. And this is the crucial element. Whilst not wanting to 'diss' Tim Henman, did he ever really look as if he believed he could win Wimbledon? Not to me. 

So where does this self-belief come from? Well, if you've been praised and encouraged as a child, it will be more natural to believe that you 'can' rather than you 'can't'. If one or both of your parents demonstrated a positive sense of self-worth, then confidence and self-esteem, will more likely be one of your characteristics. This isn't about genetics, it's about learned behaviour. From our earliest days, we were observing and absorbing ways of responding to life events, and these memories were filed away into 'folders' in our heads, that we could access later in life, when we needed to 'know' how to behave.

Does that mean that those of us who weren't brought up by confident , high achieving parents, or who experienced trauma or a dysfunctional family life, are destined to a life of mediocrity or failure? No, not necessarily. Disadvantage or difficult circumstances can be a great motivator for some. We probably all know, or know of, someone who decided that they wanted a better life and worked hard to achieve it, overcoming obstacles and challenges along the way.

For others, who have been criticised, bullied or abused, self-belief and confidence can be harder to achieve, but it can be done. No-one is born with low self-esteem, it has been learned as a response to situations or treatment by others, and because it has been learned, it can be un-learned. Now, please don't misunderstand me, I'm not minimising the detrimental effect of negative input from others, but as a hypnotherapist, I work with clients to change their limiting beliefs and I love to see them go on to do things they never dreamt they'd be able to do. 

My job is to enable clients - to help them to change their internal dialogue or self talk. Many people focus on what they don't want, and talk about what they don't want, and get what they don't want. You need to be able to imagine achieving what you want, as you'll never achieve the unimaginable. Now I'm not a betting person, but I'm willing to wager that Andy Murray wasn't focused on losing when he stepped on to centre court last Sunday... 

So, what would you do, if you believed you could?

Do something amazing - today's the day

Several years ago I received a text that simply said: "I did it, I did it - Tony Hancock would have been proud!". "Well done" I replied, unaware of the sender's identity, learning later that the sender was a client I had seen for one session, weeks before. This client had a fear of hospitals, a fear of needles and especially a fear of blood tests.

For those who aren't old enough to remember the late Tony Hancock, he was a comedian who had a TV sketch show. In an episode called 'The Blood Donor', he vascillated over donating blood to great comedic effect.

I regularly see clients who have a needle phobia, are afraid of having medical tests or have some form of 'White Coat Syndrome' and I use a combination of Hypnosis and NLP to help them overcome their fear.

This week is National Blood Week and today, 14th June, is World Blood Donation Day. One of the aims of this awareness day is to get to the position where all blood given globally, is charitably donated. Whoever you are and wherever you live, you may need blood at some time and apparently 96% of us here rely on the other 4% to give blood.

If you'd like to give blood, but are afraid of needles or afraid of blood, give me a call. For the rest of June 2013, I am offering 25% off my normal session fee/s for clients who want help to feel comfortable and confident to donate blood.

'Do something amazing today' is the familiar strapline and call to action of 'Give Blood' (www.blood.co.uk) so if you want to overcome your fear and do something amazing this June, call me now on 020 8947 338 to book your discounted session... Tony Hancock would be proud!