What makes Andy Murray a winner?

Well, it's being a brilliant tennis player of course, but in sport, as in life, it's not just about natural talent, or hard work but it's also a lot to do with mindset. Andy Murray, like Jessica Ennis, Sir Chris Hoy and other sports greats, is determined and motivated and has self-belief. And this is the crucial element. Whilst not wanting to 'diss' Tim Henman, did he ever really look as if he believed he could win Wimbledon? Not to me. 

So where does this self-belief come from? Well, if you've been praised and encouraged as a child, it will be more natural to believe that you 'can' rather than you 'can't'. If one or both of your parents demonstrated a positive sense of self-worth, then confidence and self-esteem, will more likely be one of your characteristics. This isn't about genetics, it's about learned behaviour. From our earliest days, we were observing and absorbing ways of responding to life events, and these memories were filed away into 'folders' in our heads, that we could access later in life, when we needed to 'know' how to behave.

Does that mean that those of us who weren't brought up by confident , high achieving parents, or who experienced trauma or a dysfunctional family life, are destined to a life of mediocrity or failure? No, not necessarily. Disadvantage or difficult circumstances can be a great motivator for some. We probably all know, or know of, someone who decided that they wanted a better life and worked hard to achieve it, overcoming obstacles and challenges along the way.

For others, who have been criticised, bullied or abused, self-belief and confidence can be harder to achieve, but it can be done. No-one is born with low self-esteem, it has been learned as a response to situations or treatment by others, and because it has been learned, it can be un-learned. Now, please don't misunderstand me, I'm not minimising the detrimental effect of negative input from others, but as a hypnotherapist, I work with clients to change their limiting beliefs and I love to see them go on to do things they never dreamt they'd be able to do. 

My job is to enable clients - to help them to change their internal dialogue or self talk. Many people focus on what they don't want, and talk about what they don't want, and get what they don't want. You need to be able to imagine achieving what you want, as you'll never achieve the unimaginable. Now I'm not a betting person, but I'm willing to wager that Andy Murray wasn't focused on losing when he stepped on to centre court last Sunday... 

So, what would you do, if you believed you could?

Do something amazing - today's the day

Several years ago I received a text that simply said: "I did it, I did it - Tony Hancock would have been proud!". "Well done" I replied, unaware of the sender's identity, learning later that the sender was a client I had seen for one session, weeks before. This client had a fear of hospitals, a fear of needles and especially a fear of blood tests.

For those who aren't old enough to remember the late Tony Hancock, he was a comedian who had a TV sketch show. In an episode called 'The Blood Donor', he vascillated over donating blood to great comedic effect.

I regularly see clients who have a needle phobia, are afraid of having medical tests or have some form of 'White Coat Syndrome' and I use a combination of Hypnosis and NLP to help them overcome their fear.

This week is National Blood Week and today, 14th June, is World Blood Donation Day. One of the aims of this awareness day is to get to the position where all blood given globally, is charitably donated. Whoever you are and wherever you live, you may need blood at some time and apparently 96% of us here rely on the other 4% to give blood.

If you'd like to give blood, but are afraid of needles or afraid of blood, give me a call. For the rest of June 2013, I am offering 25% off my normal session fee/s for clients who want help to feel comfortable and confident to donate blood.

'Do something amazing today' is the familiar strapline and call to action of 'Give Blood' (www.blood.co.uk) so if you want to overcome your fear and do something amazing this June, call me now on 020 8947 338 to book your discounted session... Tony Hancock would be proud!

The upside of downtime - How to stop unhelpful head chatter through mindfulness & self-hypnosis

As Westerners we often spend a lot of time 'in our head', thinking about what we need to do in the future or what we did in the past, rather than 'living in the now'. As we can only live or act in the present, keeping our head in the past or in the future however good they were (or may be) affects our effectiveness and enjoyment of life - many of us know someone who is putting something off until 'the time is right'.

Anxious people often re-run old conversations or situations, mostly with a negative, rather than positive focus. They may also 'catastrophise' and run a number of extremely negative, often irrational scenarios that could (but are unlikely to) arise - their mind literally 'runs away with them'. This is clearly distressing and limiting for the individual concerned. Less often, people can get carried away with positive visions, and these people are sometimes described as fantasists or worse.

In my work as a hypnotherapist, I teach stressed or anxious clients a method of mindfulness (self-hypnosis) that I call the self-awareness method. Mindfulness is a type of meditation that has its roots in Buddhism and is an easy way to clear the head of 'internal chatter'. You don't need to be a buddhist or to come from a particular culture and anyone can learn how to do it. 

When practising mindfulness you become aware of physical sensations, sights, sounds, smells - small things you might not normally notice. It's a great way to stop over-thinking and get into a calm and tranquil state. It can be used as a simple relaxation technique, a good preparation for sleep or to help with pain management or low mood. As part of my hypnosis for childbirth sessions pregnant women learn how to prepare for natural drug-free birthing through this simple method and it really is, in my view, a skill for life.

If you'd like more information on how mindfulness, self hypnosis or guided hypnosis could help you, just give me a call me now on 020 8947 3338 for a free consultation.

March 1st - Work your proper hours day - How's your work / life balance?

Is unpaid overtime ruining your home or social life? Do you resent working through your lunch, staying late or taking work home? Maybe working more hours than you're paid for is the culture in your organisation and you accept it happily, glad to have a job... Maybe you stay late in the office or take work home because your workload would overwhelm you if you only did your paid for hours... Could be you feel valued or important or want to get promoted... Or maybe you're self-employed and there is no 'knocking off' time. Whatever the reason you work excessive hours, the effect on your health and wellbeing can be significant. Stress, anxiety, insomnia and relationship difficulties (including loss of libido) can all result from a poor work / life balance, and if unaddressed could lead to more serious or long term health problems.

So, at the risk of asking a daft question, do you really need to work so many extra hours? Is there something you could do that would reduce your workload? Ironically, I have worked with clients who want to stop smoking, but say they value their fag breaks. These short breaks provide an opportunity to leave the work place for 10 minutes and have a chat with fellow smokers. Clearly, I'm not recommending smoking as a healthy lifestyle choice, but getting away from your desk or work environment in your lunch break can make a difference to how you feel physically and emotionally and a walk in the fresh air can really re-charge your batteries.

If you are one of the 5 million + UK workers who do unpaid overtime and there's really no escaping it, making time to unwind and doing things for you is crucial. Many people self-medicate with alcohol, dope or food to cope with stress or as part of their wind-down process, but if you enjoy reading, listening to music, or a long soak in a bubble bath, why not factor that into your evening. Another night in front of the TV with a tray on your lap and a glass in your hand, is a night you'll never get back. If you really can't shorten your working day, make the best use of the time you have and enjoy your evening.
 

40 days on... How are your resolutions going?

It's now 40 days since many of you resolved to change something and if you've made it this far without slipping back, well done!

Of course not everyone is giving something up. Whilst it's a traditional time to stop smoking or get back on a diet, other people are starting, rather than stopping something. Gyms and health clubs see a surge in new members every January, but having worked as a therapist in a health club for 15 years before opening my own therapy centre, I have witnessed this phenomenon first hand and gyms in January can be bedlam. Now that we are into February, attendance will have diminished and many will have stopped going altogether.

If you started an evening class in January, do you still go when it's cold, wet or snowy and if so, is your class getting smaller week by week? Those who decided in January that a career change was needed and signed up for an expensive training course, may be more committed. Some believe the more money an individual invests in their change, the more committed they will be, and this is why some hypnotherapists charge a very high fee for smoking cessation sessions. I'm not sure if this theory is watertight though - do super swanky health clubs retain more members than mainstream gyms?

I believe a lot of it comes down to wanting something enough, being able to see yourself doing things differently and making sure your goals are realistic. This doesn't mean you need to think small, but if you can't visualise how it will look and feel when you have 'got there' and can't mentally rehearse the outcome, you are less likely to succeed.

February is a busy month for me, as many who failed to keep to their resolutions, seek help with change. Specialising in hypnotherapy for weight loss and eating issues, I see lots of men and women all year round who want to change their relationship with food and stop yo-yo dieting. Other habit change such as smoking and drinking forms a fair chunk of my work at this time of year. One client who wasn't ready to quit smoking at New Year, has booked a hypnotherapy session with me next week in time to quit for lent, which for them could be an added incentive. Like 'Stoptober' where people were encouraged to stop smoking for 30 days, lent could offer the habit interruption that can make changing easier.

It really doesn't matter if you've stumbled and haven't changed your life in January - you can choose to make changes at any time. When there's no pressure and no-one knows your plan, you may find it easier. Why not make March 1st your 'start' or 'stop' day or as that famous slogan says, 'Just do it'

New Year, same old resolutions?

Well, it's that time again...time to resolve to start, stop or get over something... or someone! But the word 'resolve' suggests some commitment or determination... Do you genuinely believe that you will succeed in your resolution or do you  know deep down that this year will be like other years and you will fail to keep to your new way?

So what will increase your chances of success? Firstly, you need to ask yourself if you really do want the change. If you've pledged to quit smoking or stop drinking, you could be one of many who only half wants to break the habit, which despite being potentially harmful to your health, may be used as an aid to relaxation.

Secondly, if there are many changes that you want to make in your life, choose just one thing. By deciding for instance to lose weight, stop smoking and give up gambling, you are pretty much destined to fail on all three fronts. By choosing to change just one thing, you are far more likely to succeed.

Thirdly, focus on the benefits of your new pattern or behaviour. Visualise how great it will be when you're physically fit,  have lovely long nails or have completed your first novel. Imagine how good it will be... what will you see, hear, feel, experience when you have made the change.

And lastly... if you have a sneaky fag at a stag do, or eat a chunk of cake at a wedding, or bite your nails down through exam nerves, or just get home from work and pour a glass of wine, don't beat yourself up or give up until next week or next new year. Put the 'blip' behind you and carry on.

Good luck!

It's not just the homeless who have a crisis at Christmas

The shops are full of Christmas gifts, cards and decorations, not to mention party clothes and food and they're playing Christmas carols and songs in every shop and pub. Everywhere you look there are ads promoting festive things... and we're all meant to be jolly...

But Christmas isn't happy or jolly for lots of people. And we're not just talking the homeless here. For an awful lot of folk, Christmas is a time to be endured rather than enjoyed - something to get through rather than get into. For those who don't have anyone special in their life (and want someone) it can be a lonely time. For those who feel obliged to spend time with family they don't get on with, it can be very stressful, and for anyone who has lost a loved one, especially if they were bereaved during the Christmas period, it is a time of loss and sadness. Domestic Abuse goes up over the Christmas and New Year period, when a number of factors (including alcohol consumption) combine to see stress and anger issues rise to explosive levels. Suicide too becomes an option for some... Not a jolly picture... but the reality of many.

My experience is that the start of the stress or anxiety often coincides with the arrival of the Christmas goods in the shops, whether it be in September or October and builds slowly as the weeks go by. So December isn't usually a quiet time for me and therapists like me, who work with stress, trauma, anxiety, depression and grief. Having some therapy to help you through this challenging time might be worth considering before looking at ways to make long term permanent changes for yourself in the New Year. Christmas doesn't actually make life different or worse, it only highlights the flaws and reveals the gaps. As the saying goes... "If you do nothing, nothing changes, so what are you waiting for? Make this your last year like this and do something different...

If you'd like to change something in your life or would like to feel differently about something you can't change, call me to book an appointment.

Call me now to book an early appointment on 020 8947 3338