Simple steps to get going with your goal

Are you happy with your life? Are you caught up in the day, sleepwalking through life rather than having a plan for your future? Of course, not everyone wants to focus on a goal, and that's fine, but if you feel you're drifting and feel you're missing out, maybe you could ask yourself a few honest questions...

What do you want in life? What would make you truly happy? By this I don't mean what would make you happy for 5 minutes, but what would ultimately make you content? If you had the things you desire, in what way would that change your life? How would it affect others? Is what you want realistic? For example you might say that you really want to win the lottery, but when you break it down, is it the lottery you want to win or simply to be free from financial worries? By looking at it in this way it can become more achievable. You can start looking at the ways that you can help yourself to achieve your goals rather than putting all your hope on the winning lottery numbers.

The next step would be to break your goal down from a year, to a month, to a week, to a day, to an hour, to now in this very moment. What could you be doing right now to achieve your goal? If your goal is financially related, do you really need to spend money on a takeaway when you can alleviate your hunger and be just as satisfied by whipping up something at home. Maybe you could prepare a packed lunch instead of buying a sandwich in a cafe or shop? Over the course of the day do you spend three or four (or more) pounds on cappuccinos when you could make a drink at home or work? All these things add up. A really useful experiment to try is for one week to fight the urge to spend on unnecessary things and instead put that money in a jar and count it at the end of that week. You'll be amazed at how much money you have saved and this knowledge may have you thinking twice the next time you reach for that chocolate bar, magazine or other impulse purchase. Don't get me wrong, I'm not condemning treating yourself occasionally, but sometimes you can reap bigger rewards by limiting unnecessary treats.

Looking further into the future, ask yourself what you can do in the next month to assist you in your chosen goal? Maybe you could explore training opportunities or enrol on a course which could lead to a new job or career rather than staying in a job that's going no-where or that you don't enjoy. Many people tell themselves that they 'can't' do something, when in truth, they are only held back by their self-limiting beliefs or fear of failure. Have confidence in your ability. Do whatever is necessary to put yourself in the right mind-set to make things happen. Spend time with positive people who will be supportive and who will encourage you in your goals. If you still doubt yourself or lack self esteem, it may be beneficial to invest in some therapy or coaching. Believe in yourself and what you can achieve. We may not have the power to re-write our past but we can be the authors of our own future.

Performance anxiety: Give your mind a make-over.

Nausea? Sweaty palms? Racing heart? Doubt? 
Welcome to the (not so wonderful) world of performance anxiety, something that most of us have felt at some point in our lives. So where does it stem from? How can we control it? 

Well-meaning people might advise practising deep breathing or tell us to 'stay calm' before a performance of some kind. Whilst their intention is to be helpful, just being told to relax, won't necessarily help. Recent studies suggest that there may be more effective ways to get a grip on performance anxiety.

Let's imagine a scenario where you might feel anxious:

After a series of job applications in which you receive polite generic letters thanking you for your application but stating that 'on this occasion you were not chosen' but that 'your details will be kept on file' for future vacancies', joy of joys you open a reply that states 'Thank you for your application, we would like you to come in for an interview'. After doing a victory dance in your living room, slowly the weight of the request starts to creep up on you and what two minutes ago seemed like the best thing in the world, now starts to look the complete opposite. Cue, performance anxiety.

So in the space of those two minutes 'what actually changed?' the answer is 'your mindset'. The situation is exactly the same as it was those two minutes ago, but whereas your initial reaction was jubilation, what you're left with is a sinking feeling as you realise what being asked to come for an interview entails. We only feel this way about things that matter to us - if we didn't care about the outcome, we wouldn't feel this way. Having said that, we probably wouldn't have been dancing around the room in jubilation either.

Believe it or not, a small amount of nervousness can be helpful but it's about knowing how to balance it and not letting it overwhelm you. A recent study from Harvard Business School (1) suggests that pumping yourself up, rather than calming yourself down, might be the answer. Focusing on the excitement of the situation and your ideal outcome will put you in a healthier frame of mind than focusing on your nerves and all the things that could possibly go wrong. Top speakers and performers have used similar techniques for centuries and the more you start to think in this way, the easier it becomes.

When I see clients who want help with presentation nerves, exam nerves or interview nerves, I teach them how to 're-frame' their thinking, to mentally rehearse their desired outcome and to anchor their positive visualisation with a physical or verbal cue. Top speakers and performers have used similar techniques for centuries and the more you start to think in this way, the easier it becomes. So, the next time you feel the waves of dread before a situation in which you need to perform well, embrace your nerves (excitement) and focus on what you want, rather than the opposite. By putting these techniques into practice, you might well be pleasantly surprised with the results.

Who gets depressed?

Who gets depressed and why, has long been a matter of debate. Some people believe it is a chemical imbalance in the brain, but that is just one theory. Some consider this theory to be little more than a guess, as it's not possible to accurately measure these chemicals in the brain.

Others believe that depression is most often a learned behaviour. A child may observe and adopt the parent or carers negativities and ineffectual coping strategies. These might not surface until something negative happens to them later in life. The internal negative feelings may then rise to the surface and the person could then go on to become habitually depressed.

The onset of depression isn't usually triggered by one specific problem. It's generally an accumulation of various problems in life which the individual may have been dealing with, until one extra problem occurs that tips them into a depressive state. When this happens it's easy to assume that that particular problem is the cause of the depression but this is unlikely.

Human beings are creatures of habit which means that the more a person thinks and feels negatively or positively the more this becomes their reality. It is common for people to misunderstand depression and they may assume that a depressed person is being weak or simply feeling sorry for themselves. Critical comments are unhelpful and can leave a depressed person feeling guilty about their thoughts and feelings, which can lead to them feeling more depressed.

Depression is likely to affect a person physically as well as emotionally. They may over or under eat or self-medicate with alcohol. They are likely to sleep too much or be unable to sleep. A decrease in libido, fatigue and anxiety are all linked to depression and they are unlikely to able to find pleasure in anything. Depression can also result in poor concentration, errors of judgment and the inability to make decisions.

No matter the type or severity of the depression, it is possible for the individual to break the cycle. Recognising and acknowledging that they are depressed is the first step towards change and the next step is to obtain the relevant help. Anti-depressants or talking therapy may be offered, but only talking therapies will change the individual's feelings and behaviour long-term. By changing their habits and behaviour, they will change how they feel and break the cycle and expect much better results. By getting therapy and knowing what to do differently, people can change their lives. Depression can be controlled and when treated by a skilled hypnotherapist or talking therapist, the outcome can be excellent.

New ways to feel better fast

When it comes to exercise even the most dedicated of us can occasionally be tempted to put it off until the weather is better, work is quieter, or for a more convenient time. For anyone suffering from depression however, the thought of exercise is unlikely to be appealing. They are much more likely to want to crawl underneath the duvet and hibernate. Does this sound familiar?

So how does exercise help? Well, firstly, it's not possible to worry or feel down at the same time as exercising. Just doing something different is a distraction to negative thoughts and rumination and physical exertion can stimulate the release of endorphins that leave you feeling happier.

An activity such as yoga, can work wonders for your mind and body and can leave you feeling both calmer and more energised. Dog walking can also be a good way to get regular exercise and can be an easy way to meet other people. An early morning walk can help someone mildly depressed to get up and get moving. It can provide some social connection too that might otherwise be avoided. I once knew a man who was 'prescribed' a dog by his GP. Sceptical at first, after getting a dog, he noticed a significant improvement in his mood and become more comfortable with  social interaction.

Vigorous exercise is unlikely to appeal to someone feeling low, and if you've been depressed, you'll understand that, but if it is undertaken, it shouldn't be done too close to bedtime as it is mentally stimulating. Gentle exercise however, can improve sleep quality and mental well-being. The type of exercise chosen can also make a difference; if exercise is fun it is more likely to be continued. 

George W Burns, therapist and author, developed a sensory awareness inventory (SAI) which can be helpful for those experiencing low mood. Therapists using this approach may task a client with making a list of items or activities which give them pleasure, enjoyment or comfort. The categories suggested by Burns are: Sight, Sound, Smell, Taste, Touch and Activity.

I have used this approach with clients and found that the majority of things listed by clients tend to be nature-related. These could be things like the smell of cut grass, the sound of the sea, feeding ducks at the park or stroking an animal. Many of the stimuli listed by clients required them to go outdoors and most were cheap or free. Sadly, very few of these simple pleasures were being pursued by clients feeling low. Busy people too, might neglect nature's restorative qualities; often choosing to turn to alcohol or food instead. 

You don't need to be down to do this. If you like the idea of trying this task, why not draw up your own list. Give yourself plenty of time and list at least 10 things in each category. Then, whether it's exercise you're missing or something outdoors you've not seen or done in a while, commit to doing it. Don't delay, get out, get going and see how you feel. Just doing something can serve to distract you from old thought and behavioural patterns. Enjoy!

Resolve to be resolute

Yes folks, it is that time of year again. The time when we resolve to ‘lose some weight’, ‘give up smoking’,’ finally finish writing that novel’. It's one thing to get swept up in the hype and make a resolution, but it’s another thing entirely to stick to it. The idea of making a resolution is to be resolute. The definition of the word resolute is to be admirably purposeful, determined, and unwavering, yet how many of us can genuinely say that when we make a new year's resolution we believe we are going to succeed?

To put it bluntly, following through on a resolution takes determination and effort. If you’re not willing to put in the effort then you’re only fooling yourself. Should you then fail (which you will if you don’t commit) you’ll end up feeling worse than before you made the resolution. When we feel bad we will often default back to our habit of comfort eating, having a ‘sneaky’ fag, procrastinating about exercise in favour of watching trash TV. Sound familiar?

The way to stop this cycle is to first ask yourself deep down, if you really want to change. It’s easy to say "yes, I don’t want to be fat" or "I want to be healthier" or "I want to have my novel published". Many times however the lure of the 'reward' (albeit temporary) overpowers our decision to make a change and we can end up back where we were. If we truly want to succeed we need to be immovable, like a mountain, and the way to do that is to develop a strong and determined mindset. There are various ways to achieve this and I’m going to suggest a few which when combined together can create a powerful force.

1. Simply put, choose just one thing you want to change and focus all your energies on that. People often write a list of things they want to change about themselves in the New Year, but again by doing that you are setting yourself up for failure. By stretching yourself in too many directions at once you will only be putting a fraction of your energy or resolve into each thing which will in turn bring only a fraction of the results.

2. Visualise. Visualise. Visualise. Visualisation is one of the most powerful tools at your disposal and the beauty of it is that anyone visualise. If you’re new to visualisation there are many books on the subject which will help you realise the value of this and give you techniques to do it. One simple way is to find a quiet room where you won’t be distracted, close your eyes and picture in your minds eye what you would like to achieve. See yourself standing in front of the mirror in that dress that’s one or two sizes smaller than what you currently wear. See yourself walking or running easily without feeling short of breath and notice your more radiant complexion and fingers free from nicotine stains. See yourself as the proud author of your finished novel. Picture your book on Amazon or on the shelves of a bookshop. Imagine yourself signing copies of your work. Be detailed in your thoughts and experience the pleasure and relaxation that can be derived from this personal time. Do this for at least 5 or 10 minutes every day until you start to feel the feelings of having this be your reality. Notice how even when you are just visualising you start to smile and feel happier within yourself. Believe with your entire being that this is your reality and it could well come true. The mind is a truly phenomenal and it has the power to turn what we imagine into reality. A song that fits in with this idea is R. Kelly’s ‘I believe I can fly’. I would recommend listening to this as it sums up the idea of visualisation perfectly.

3. Enlist the help of family or friends or find a self-help book related to your goals. By doing these things you give yourself a support network which can be very valuable. As humans we all stumble from time to time and it’s nothing to be ashamed of, but rather than dwell on it and use it as an excuse to revert back to old habits, pick yourself up, dust yourself off and re-focus your mind. Having that support can make this process easier and also help reinforce why you have resolved to do this particular thing.

Put these ideas into practice and make 2014 a year for positive change.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Could you benefit from Inner Child Healing?

For most of us when we reach adulthood, childhood becomes a distant memory. Yet the memories consciously and unconsciously collected during childhood might not be as distant as you would think. Take a step back and think for a moment about something that makes you anxious or fearful. It might be going to an event where you know you might have to be around a large group or crowds of people? Giving a speech in front of others? Or over-thinking or worrying about situations? Fear and anxiety are learned behaviour and with a bit of help we could unlearn that behaviour.
Each of us has an 'inner child' and how our 'inner child' feels at a particular moment is reflected in our adult selves. If our 'inner child' feels good and positive then consequently so does our outer adult. This also works on the flip-side too. If our 'inner child' feels negative or lacks self-esteem so too does our outer adult.
What tends to happen is that over the years our minds become conditioned to feeling and thinking in a certain way and that becomes our default mode. Have you ever had that moment where you hear a song that takes you back to a negative experience or maybe someone says something that 'pushes your buttons'? These triggers can set us off on a path to negative thinking or anxiety, even though our adult and rational self can see that it's inappropriate.
The good news is that we do have the power to change the way we feel about ourselves and about situations. This is where 'inner child healing' comes in. I believe it is something that would greatly benefit all of us. We shouldn't and don't have to carry around emotional baggage from our childhood. Instead by getting help to heal your 'inner child', you will have the ability to live a more contented and well balanced life.
Inner Child Healing isn't about someone else doing something to us, but is a process that we participate in and have some control over.
Good rapport with my clients is essential and Inner Child Healing isn't something I would suggest at our first session. Clients need to feel comfortable and safe and ready to communicate with their child-self whilst in hypnosis. The process is very therapeutic and most people can benefit from it, especially those who have had a difficult childhood or who have suffered physical or sexual abuse.
People who have undergone 'inner child healing' often describe it as a liberating experience and it can work with all personality types - the analytical and the more reflective. The process is very creative, and allows you to tap into your imagination and draw from your own well of creative resources in order to make a connection with your 'inner self'. Sometimes we are unaware of where our problems or pain stem from and this therapeutic approach can allow us to re-connect with our inner child. The process can also be content-free meaning you are under no obligation to reveal details of the conversations or interactions you and your inner child share, although many clients do like to talk through their experience. Inner Child Healing can be for many a wonderful, rewarding experience.

Not a Hangover... Bruxism

If you wake up with a headache but haven't had a drink (or not enough to cause a hangover) you may be suffering from Bruxism. Bruxism is the medical name for teeth grinding or teeth clenching and is a common problem which affects up to 30% of the population. This behaviour, which often happens during sleep, may cause minimal symptoms, but sometimes the effects may be severe. Headaches are just one of the symptoms of bruxism - aching jaw muscle, damage to teeth, fillings and crowns can occur and difficulty in opening the jaw or speaking can be experienced in more extreme cases.

Teeth grinding and jaw clenching, more commonly experienced a night, can also happen while you are awake (especially during times of stress or anxiety). Sometimes, people can grind without it causing any problems, but regular and persistant teeth grinding often causes pain and discomfort in the jaw and can wear down teeth. Bruxism affects sufferers in many ways and the effects can be short-term or long-term. Headaches, earache, jaw pain and insomnia, will dissapear when the teeth clenching or grinding stops but other symptoms , such as Tempopromandibular Joint Disorder (TMJ) or tooth grinding are more serious and can be permanent.

Dentists can offer mouth guards if you clench or grind your teeth at night, but many people say they find these uncomfortable or remove them in their sleep. Exercises to relax muscles can help and I teach clients some of these - in and out of hypnosis.
Hypnosis as a treatment for bruxism has long been under review and some bruxists have found considereable relief throgh using hypnosis. One study reviewed the long-term effects of hypnotherapy and recorded positive outcomes were still felt 3 years later.

If you suffer from sleep bruxism, its worth considering some changes to your night-time routines as well to better prepare you for sleep. Going to bed stressed or with lots on your mind can affcet your quality (& quantity) of sleep. Poor sleep can cause or exacerbate many problems apart from bruxism, such as anxious behaviours, poor concentration and over-eating. Addressing the causes of stress or anxiety is essential in my view, to breaking the habit of teeth grinding and hypnotherapy is a great way to help clients not only to 'switch off their brain' and relax but is also an effective therapy for treating underlying issues.