How to choose your therapist

There is no perfect therapist for everyone; different therapists will suit different clients, so my number one tip is to choose someone who you feel comfortable with. Many therapists like myself, offer a free consultation on the phone or face-to-face and this can help you satisfy yourself that’d you’d feel safe and confident working with them. A short chat will also give you the opportunity to ask questions about hypnosis and to discover if they are experienced dealing with the issue you want help with. Their website, if it is a well-designed and professional one may also give you a pretty good impression of the therapist’s personality or approach, as can reading any blogs or articles they’ve written.

Whether you meet up, speak on the phone or exchange emails, you’ll probably want to ask a bit about what to expect in your therapy sessions. The question I am asked most frequently by prospective client’s, is “How many sessions will I need?” Whilst I appreciate why people want to know this, it’s almost impossible to give a precise number and you might want to consider how a therapist could ‘know’ how exactly how many sessions will be required before you’ve even started. What I tell clients is that I will see them for as few sessions as are needed for them to experience the change they seek. I also explain that hypnotherapy is described in psychotherapeutic terms as a brief therapy, so the therapy is likely to take weeks, rather than months or years.

Other things you will want to know is whether your therapist has attended a recognised hypnotherapy practitioner course, belongs to a professional body and has appropriate insurance. Most reputable hypnotherapy organisations do require a minimum number of training hours, insurance, etc, so membership of one of these bodies, should be enough to satisfy your questions. You may want your therapist to belong to the CNHC (Complementary & Natural Healthcare Council) register. This is a government backed voluntary register so not all therapists will choose to register.

Whether you prefer to work with an experienced therapist or are happy to see a newly qualified therapist is personal choice. New therapists can be very enthusiastic and effective; my hypnotherapy graduates are therapists I’d certainly be happy to recommend. I’d suggest that you arrange to talk with your prospective therapist on the phone or face-to-face to check how comfortable you feel. Rapport between client and therapist is vital for a positive outcome.

Practicalities are worth considering too; you’ll want to research the location of their practice if it’s not known to you and decide too whether you’d prefer to go to a high street clinic, a health club or to a therapist’s home? How you can pay for your therapy might be a factor too. Are you able to pay by card or Paypal, or will you need to pay by cash? Is spreading the payment by using a credit card likely to be important in order to avoid gaps in your therapy?
Once you have considered all of these factors and any others that are relevant to you, then go ahead and book; many of my clients tell me that they feel better as soon as they have their first appointment booked.

Chill out or charge about? The anxiety elimination debate

If you’re stressed or anxious and admit to it, you will probably receive plenty of advice from friends, colleagues or maybe, you’re GP. Some will suggest taking some time off, a holiday perhaps, or a relaxing massage. Others will suggest yoga, meditation or mindfulness; something gentle. Or you may be advised to burn off your stress through physical activity such as running, a gym workout or Nordic walking. So who is right? Well, both strategies can be beneficial and a combination of approaches is most helpful.

Physical exercise can help reduce your anxiety, not just at the time, but later too. Regular exercise has been shown to do far more than provide stress relief, it can improve mood, self-esteem and increase our sense of overall wellbeing.  An exercise regime can help with sleep problems and insomnia too, though it’s not recommended that you exercise vigorously in the evening as this can be stimulating – ask anyone who goes to the gym before work. Exercise can be a distraction from unhelpful or negative thinking, especially if it’s exercise that needs speed or concentration; it’s nigh on impossible to fret about anything while jumping around in an exercise class, kick-boxing or playing footie. Distraction from, or interruption of, negative or catastrophic thoughts are strategies that therapists apply and recommend for managing and reducing anxious thinking. Exercise doesn’t need to be frantic to be beneficial though and research has shown that even a short walk can help reduce anxiety and stress.

So what about the passive approach - the relaxation route to becoming stress-free? Massage (especially Swedish massage or aromatherapy) can be very soothing and de-stressing, but as a qualified massage therapist, I know that the mental effects can be relatively short-lived; the physical effects last longer. Yoga classes can really help and many classes include some visualisation (which is self-hypnosis) or meditation. Mindfulness and meditation are becoming increasingly popular due to media coverage and celebrity endorsement. Meditation is not new and neither is mindfulness and both can be really helpful tools to help you stop that never ending head chatter. One myth about mindfulness is that it is a relaxation technique, but in truth it is more about acceptance than relaxation.

Of course you may want to seek some professional help to manage or eliminate your anxious feelings or behaviour. Some people choose the medical route and consult their GP and others prefer to work with a talking therapist / hypnotherapist such as myself. Whichever you do, the inclusion of exercise, relaxation and mindfulness will definitely have a positive impact on your mental and physical wellbeing.

If you think you’re too busy to learn Mindfulness, then you need to learn Mindfulness!

Mindfulness has been in the press a lot over the last few years and with good reason. Research has shown that even brief periods spent in Mindfulness Meditation can measurably reduce stress. Simply focusing and developing an awareness of the moment; the sights, sounds and sensations of everyday life, can bring a sense of wellbeing and peace. This behaviour, which is at variance with a life of multi-tasking and non-stop thinking, may need to be learned and practised in order for it to come naturally, but the rewards are invaluable. Clearing your head of ‘chatter’ and living in the moment is not only stress-reducing it helps with productivity and creativity too; a focused individual is far more effective than a frazzled one.

Sadly, many of us accept a stressed state as normal, and have become used to operating in a state of overload, surrounded by others who are feeling similarly. In the workplace multi-tasking is often not only encouraged by employers, but is expected; considered erroneously to be a sign of effective working. In reality, whilst staff may be busy, they are often less effective than they seem. The effect of stress in the workplace is well documented and forward-thinking employers are introducing Mindfulness programmes for staff, but this is far from widespread.

Learning Mindfulness can benefit people in all areas of their life, as stress and over-thinking are rarely practises confined to the workplace. Using Mindfulness techniques to tune out ‘noise’ and focus on what’s important can really improve overall well-being. Research has shown that even short courses in Mindfulness can measurably reduce stress, improve mental clarity and increase creativity. Clients who have learned very simple Mindfulness techniques with me have reported a reduction in anxiety, improved sleep and generally feel happier.

Despite frequent mentions in the media, there are some misconceptions about Mindfulness. Sometimes portrayed as a relaxation technique, Mindfulness, which has its roots in Buddhist meditation, is about acceptance, rather than relaxation. Acceptance brings with it a calmer, quieter state of mind, which is something that many seek.

I have been teaching Mindfulness techniques for many years, historically with pregnant women as an easy self-hypnosis routine, and in recent years with stressed and anxious clients, those who ‘over-think’ or ‘catastrophise’. Whilst Mindfulness has become extremely popular recently, it’s been around for a very long time and to describe it (as many people do) as a buzzword is to trivialise its value. Many clients who book with me for hypnotherapy for stress reduction, anxiety or insomnia are pleased to learn some easy techniques that they can utilise to prevent or manage stressful situations.

Presentation Fears

Fear of public speaking is often cited as the most common fear that individuals experience. The fact that this phobia is statistically very common does little to reduce the anxiety of the person who is suffering. For the man or woman who is afraid of speaking or presenting, the fear is pretty much all-consuming. The prospect of a forthcoming pitch, meeting or presentation is enough to cause sleepless nights, headaches, stomach upsets and panic attacks.

Clients of mine have described very sophisticated strategies they have adopted for deflecting attention from themselves; sometimes by inviting feedback from the group or possibly by deferring to others. Through these strategies, they ‘manage’ difficult and uncomfortable situations. The mastery with which this is done means that very often their colleagues or audience are unaware of their discomfiture.

Skill at deferring or deflecting attention however does not stop the anxiety experienced beforehand. Weeks before a meeting, people afraid of presenting or pubic speaking often report suffering insomnia and stress prior to a meeting, presentation or event. Fear of presenting has nothing to do with an individual’s ability, knowledge or experience. Those who worry about this element of their work will often be well prepared and well versed in their subject; how they feel is not related to their skill or expertise.

The way in which social anxiety or fear of public speaking manifests itself in people, varies from person to person. Physical symptoms include shaking, sweating, blushing, rapid heartbeat, shortness of breath, upset stomach and muscular tension. Confusion, stuttering, shaky voice, or light-headedness are common signs of nerves too, although they may be more apparent to the sufferer, than to others. Most worry about the embarrassment they’ll experience if they forget what they’re saying, or have a fear of looking stupid, or being discovered as an ‘imposter’.

Hypnosis and NLP can be very helpful for those who struggle with this issue and I have found that good results can be achieved in a fairly short space of time. Everyone is different of course, so if you find presenting, public speaking or social situations challenging, get in touch. In addition to using guided hypnosis with my clients, I can teach them self hypnosis techniques that they can use any time they need to. I also help clients to set up NLP 'anchors' that can help them to feel calm, composed and confident in stressful situations. Many invest in one of my self-hypnosis recordings to use at home too.

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Addicted to food?

In the west slimness is, for many, a desired state. Not everyone wants to be slim of course, but most people don't want to be fat. We can all think of 'big' people who appear confident and content and who say they are very happy with how they are, but in my experience, this is generally untrue. If they could choose between being fat, slim or average, a choice that required no intervention nor effort on their part, few would choose fat.

If we put aesthetics to one side for a moment, most people would prefer to be a normal weight for health reasons, but this often isn't a big enough incentive. It may sound bonkers, but it's true. That old 'it won't happen to me' attitude prevails in matters of illness or disease, and people often ignore the damage they are potentially doing to themselves until they have a health scare or get sick.

A wedding (the individual's own), a desire to get pregnant or some other important issue may increase motivation to change eating habits or do more exercise, but this is often short-lived. Am I painting a gloomy picture? In theory, weight reduction is simple - reduce the number of calories consumed, and increase activity, but this fails to address two key points: our emotional connection with food and the roller coaster ride of sugar highs and lows that many of us subject ourselves to.

When we avoid sugary or artificially sweetened food in our diet, our blood sugar and energy level stabilises and cravings all but disappear. When our body isn't in need of an energy boost, there is no longer an emotional dilemma over whether or what to eat. As cravings and fatigue become a thing of the past, people can and do find themselves skipping desserts in restaurants and forgetting about chocolate 'fixes'.

The real challenge comes when life itself becomes challenging. Relationship difficulties, work issues or other disappointments can lead many to seek solace in sweet stuff. Whilst there are other ways to experience pleasure or comfort, food is relatively cheap, socially acceptable and accessible.

Much research has been done into the sugar cycle and its effects, and through the use of MRI scanners it has been possible for scientists to see the effects of sugar on the brain.

Whilst the term 'addiction' is a controversial one in regards to foodstuffs, there is evidence that what we eat affects our mood and therefore influences are ongoing choices. Pleasure is preferable to pain, so mood altering foods, like mood altering substances, can be difficult to resist, especially when life is less than wonderful or we are on the glycaemic roller coaster.

There is a payback for this comfort and reward seeking behaviour of course. Obesity makes everything (bar eating) more difficult to do. Running for the train, climbing the stairs, having sex, or doing the hoovering can all be a struggle when you're excessively overweight. The biggest problem of being fat however, is the emotional toll it takes, and this is where aesthetics come in.

Much has been said about society's attitude to people who are obese, but whilst size can influence how we are perceived, most people are their own harshest critic. In my work with clients seeking help to lose weight with hypnosis, self-esteem is often an issue. The reasons that people overeat can be complex and often underlying issues need to be addressed before significant progress can be made. Giving direct suggestions for changes to eating patterns is an option in hypnotherapy, but in my experience this is an over-simplistic approach and leads to short-term results at best. Helping clients to change their relationship with food is essential, but so too is helping them to address any stress, depression or other underlying issues that affect the way they use food.

Positive Habits = Positive Results

Do you wish you could remain calm and confident  in a crisis? Would you like to remain upbeat and optimistic as life throws you challenges? If the answer is 'yes' then maybe it's time to learn the secrets of resourceful people; those who understand that they need to take responsibility for their responses and the outcome.
Why not try some of the suggestions below; the strategies of resourceful people - you may find life becomes less stressful and more rewarding.

Learn how to 'roll with the punches'.
Accept that life isn't always fair and that sometimes we need to simply 'suck it up' and get on with life. There will always be situations that we can't change or are out of our control, but we do have control over our thoughts (or can learn this) so you can choose how to respond to emotional events. Decide which challenges are worth your energy and which you can let go.


Be Mindful.
When you dwell on past mistakes or worry about what's going to happen in the future, you're not allowing yourself to live fully in the moment. Focus on what's going on right now and enjoy today; today is the only time you can act. Consider learning Mindfulness meditation; the more you practise it, the more natural it becomes.

Resist playing it safe.
It may seem the sensible option for some, but if you always do this, you leave yourself no room for growth, nor the possibility of achieving greatness. Taking risks can be scary, but trying something new can lead to new possibilities. If the risk results in what we may deem as failure, don't use this as an excuse to give up. Learn from it and think about what could be done differently next time. If no-one ever took risks in life the world would be a very dull place. 

Don't be 'a pleaser'.
If you need the acceptance of others in order to validate yourself you are setting yourself up for disappointment. Of course it's nice to be liked, but the reality is that not everyone is going to like you. We all 'gel' with different people and that's ok. Your wellbeing doesn't depend on anyone else's approval. Important to note too, is that people will respond to what we project; if you see yourself as unimportant, you're likely to be treated accordingly.  By accepting yourself as you are, you are likely to gain acceptance and respect from others too. Set relationship boundaries by being honest about your feelings and say 'no' when necessary.

Spend quality time alone.
Enjoy 'hanging out' with yourself and use these times to do things that bring you pleasure. Pursue a hobby, learn something new, read a book (or write one!). Even 'doing nothing' can allow you to re-connect with yourself and what makes you happy. Realising that you don't need to have company in order to feel good about yourself can help you become more confident, self-sufficient and resourceful.    

I hope you found these ideas and strategies helpful. They are by no means exhaustive and don't represent a 'roadmap' to happiness, but they're certainly worth applying in your day to day life. You will almost certainly notice a shift in how you feel cabout yourself and  your life and experience the empowerment that comes from taking responsibility for your own wellbeing and self-esteem. If you find that you are still 'stuck' in a negative state and would like some help, just give me a call or email.

Has your 'get up & go' got up and gone?

If you've ever felt that you're stuck in a rut or life has got you down, rest assured you're not alone. At these times it can be difficult to find the motivation or inspiration to do anything, but doing nothing results in nothing changing and this low and uninspired state continues. It can be all too easy to externalise the cause and 'blame' life events for our mood, but we are responsible for, and in control of our emotional state. Yes, really.

I've often heard people say that they've lost their 'mojo' but what they have lost (or mislaid) is their passion, energy, motivation - their 'joie de vivre'. Maybe you've experienced this too. A seeming run of bad luck, poor health or disappointment can lead to us feeling flat, bored, discouraged or low, but by changing our perspective, our mood will change too. Resist blaming life events or other people for how you feel and avoid re-living or telling tales of your disappointments or perceived failures as this only serves to reinforce a negative mood. 

So how can we recover our positivity if we find ourselves in a slump? Well, we could do something that will give us pleasure. Not by eating a bar of chocolate or necking a bottle of gin, but by taking some quality time for ourselves. This could be going for a walk in the park and feeding the ducks, by taking a leisurely bath or by putting your feet up and reading a good book. Doing something creative like baking, sewing or woodwork can be absorbing and distract us from unhelpful thoughts and there's nothing like exercise to lift the mood and get those endorphins flowing. 

Remembering a time when we had some 'get up & go' or felt we were at the top of our game is a swift and effective way to recover those good feelings. Try it now... Close your eyes for a moment and take yourself back to a time when you were feeling really great. See what you saw, hear what you heard and feel what you felt at that time. Experience it as if you're there now. Stay in that moment and enjoy those feelings. Notice how your whole mood and sense of wellbeing can change in just a few moments. Why not decide now to take charge of your state, think yourself into the mood that you want and reconnect with your mojo!