Don’t listen and don’t do this!

There are lots of rants on social media right now; don’t do this, do more of that, give to this cause, or
that... There’s so much pressure to be doing something ‘useful’ during the lockdown. As a self-
employed person forced into lockdown the prevailing message is that if you’re not pivoting your
business or preparing to launch a new project you aren’t being productive. If you’re furloughed and
you’re not learning a new language or making bread out of something weird you found at the back
of your kitchen cupboard, you’re missing an opportunity. Show the wartime spirit and seize the
moment people! Get creating, cleaning, re-designing your garden and continuing your business or
job online while home-educating your children or caring for a loved one.

Aagh! Nooo....

Now is not the time to do double the amount of stuff you normally do. Everyone has different ways
of coping with change and challenges. Some people like to get busy and distract themselves from
the mostly miserable news, whilst others get through the isolation by chatting with friends or
watching old comedy shows on TV.

The critical internal dialogue that many people have is never helpful and is probably more
destructive than ever at the moment. Don’t let the ‘shoulds’ get in the way of getting through this
pandemic with a healthy level of self-esteem and wellbeing. Do whatever you need to do to stay
sane at this strange time. Change your ‘shoulds’ to ‘coulds’ so that you recognise that everything is a
choice. When something feels like a choice, rather than a duty, it feels a whole lot more
empowering.

To be honest, whatever you're doing it’s probably enough, but if you want to do more, ask yourself
who you’re doing it for. Are you feeling pressured to do something to keep up with others or to
prove something, or are you doing it because it will bring you pleasure or satisfaction? Of course
there’ll be things we need to do, shop for food, eat, bathe, a basic level of exercise etc. and if you
have work you will probably want to continue it, which is fine, but beyond that it’s up to you.
For most people a balance of the essentials and the ‘I choose to’ things will result in getting through
this time emotionally intact, but if you are struggling with a dose of ‘the shoulds’ or need to banish
your negative head chatter, get in touch. I specialise in working with clients with anxious thought
patterns, low self-esteem and motivation concerns and am available for hypnotherapy, CBT and
therapeutic coaching sessions using video conferencing software. These sessions are confidential
and secure and if you want to have a no-obligation phone or video chat before booking a session,
that’s fine too. Stay safe and be kind to yourself.

Tips to reduce teeth grinding or jaw clenching

Do you wake up in the morning with a headache or a sore jaw?  Perhaps your partner has commented that you grind your teeth while you’re sleeping. Maybe you’ve noticed that you’re clenching your jaw unconsciously during the day while you’re concentrating intently on something. Bruxism, or tooth grinding and jaw clenching is something that usually happens in the night while you’re sleeping, but in some cases, it also happens during the daytime. According to the Bruxism Association, bruxism affects about 10% of the population and usually occurs alongside other sleep-related disturbances such as snoring, sleep talking and obstructive sleep apnoea and that around 70% of sleep bruxism cases are stress or anxiety-related.
In the short term, the effects of bruxism are headaches, sleep disruption, gum inflammation, earaches and pain and lack of mobility in the jaw.  If left untreated a person with bruxism can experience serious tooth damage including breakage and Temporomandibular Joint Disorder (TMJ). If you think that you’re experiencing bruxism it’s important that you see a dentist and get a diagnosis and treatment plan. I’ve worked with several clients who came to me as a last resort as they had seriously damaged their teeth and expensive crowns or have excruciating headaches and muscular pain after years of untreated grinding.
There are many factors that can increase bruxism.  Drinking alcohol heavily, using recreational drugs, smoking and consuming a large amount of caffeine have all been linked to increases in overnight tooth grinding. If you’re experiencing tooth grinding or clenching, cutting back or cutting out these habits is likely to be helpful. Many people find that they use these substances to excess because they are trying to manage stress and anxiety, which is strongly linked to the condition.
Finding ways to relax and unwind is extremely beneficial.  Stress management techniques which may include regular exercise and relaxation techniques such as meditation or self-hypnosis could make a noticeable difference. A regular nighttime routine which ensures that you’re getting adequate rest can also be helpful in reducing the occurrence of tooth grinding.
As the action of clenching the jaw is unconscious, hypnotherapy can help to explore what is truly happening. In my experience with working with clients with this condition they often find that in their daily lives they feel unable to express or assert themselves and that they are ‘biting back words’.  By working with them to understand what is causing the grinding and teaching them effective self-management techniques they are able to reduce the occurrences of teeth grinding.
If this is an issue that is affecting you and you’d like some help, please get in touch for a free consultation on 07525 012221

6 self-help techniques I teach my clients that have made by job as a therapist easier

Clients come to see me for many different reasons, and as a client-led, solution-focused therapist it’s my job to respond to everyone as an individual and call upon a wide array of techniques to find the tools that will be most effective.  However, there are some tools that I teach almost every client because they are simple, effective and work with a wide range of issues.


1. Self-hypnosis
2. Tapping
3. Hypnosis recordings
4. Mindfulness
5. Yoga
6. 7/11 Breathing





All of these techniques are very effective in different ways from interrupting cravings or unhelpful thoughts to slowing our heart rate and recovering our equilibrium. When they are used regularly between sessions they can also act as an excellent reinforcement and help you to cement the changes that we have talked about and worked on during our therapy sessions.

Practicing self-hypnosis, meditating and listening to recordings can help you to enter the focused state that we call hypnosis more easily.  In addition when you use these techniques in your daily life you may potentially achieve greater results than those who don’t listen to recordings or practise self-hypnosis. Evidence from randomised controlled trials indicates that hypnosis, relaxation, and meditation techniques significantly reduce anxiety and stress.

All the techniques mentioned above switch your focus into the present moment; when we are in the present moment we are not worrying about the future, running a negative narrative or ruminating over the past.  Generally speaking, when we bring our awareness to what is happening in the here and now we can see that things are okay.

These practices are all well-researched and recognised for their stress-reducing effects. Research has shown us that people who make it a practice of focusing on things that they are grateful for have lower stress levels and are happier with their lives than people who do not.  When we are less stressed, we are more resilient. The tools that you learn in your sessions with me may not only help you with your current challenges, but also assist you in coping more effectively with future issues.

If you’d like to learn (or brush up on) any of these techniques, please get in touch. A new decade offers new opportunities and if you want to feel more confident pursuing new plans or realising your New Year’s resolutions, why not book in for a refresher session?

What I have learned from my clients

Since becoming a therapist in 1995 I have continued to learn about my profession. I do this through reading, speaking with other therapists and attending Continuous Professional Development courses. I regularly attend conferences for hypnotherapists and psychotherapists and follow new research. I suppose you could say that I’ve aspired to become the best therapist that I can be so that I can serve my clients well.

My training was good and combined with the life skills I’d gained over years of working with people wanting to improve their situation, I had a good start.  I’d had training roles in commercial businesses as well as my own, and my voluntary work in a Women’s Aid refuge where I lived and worked with women escaping domestic abuse opened my eyes and my mind. I learned how damaged people do damage, but also how wonderfully resilient human beings can be when given the right support.

Every day, I witnessed the strength and resourcefulness of the women who fought to rebuild their lives in the face of enormous adversity. I learned things about the human spirit that I never would have learned from any seminar, textbook, or training. I learned not to make assumptions about people and not to label them as this kind of person or that kind of person. I learned that I could learn something from everyone I met, whatever their schooling or background, whether they lived in large house in Chelsea or a caravan or squat.

Over the years of being a professional therapist I have continued to learn about human frailties and strengths and my clients have been the best teachers. With every client and every year that passes as a professional therapist I have improved my skills. Each client I meet and every client session that I have teaches me more. Every client that I see and every hypnotherapy student that I teach in my training school reminds me of the reasons I chose this amazing profession. If you’re curious about working or training with me, book to have a chat with me now. I’d love to talk with you about how I can help.

How has dyslexia affected your life?

People who are diagnosed with dyslexia as adults, rather than in their younger years will often report having suffered many years of failure and criticism in school. They may have been accused of being lazy, not paying attention or have been made to feel they were stupid. As a consequence they may have had a poor attendance record through truanting or school refusal. For those who did attend regularly they are likely to have achieved lower academic results than other pupils without this additional challenge. Discovering as an adult that they are dyslexic (after years of being treated as if they were thick or lazy) helps only insofar as it explains their difficulty; psychologically the damage to self-esteem has been done.

Low self-esteem and a general lack of confidence are often the effects of undiagnosed dyslexia, as are depression and anxiety. It is impossible to attribute with any accuracy the specific origins of these various negative states as there will usually have be an accumulation of different triggers which may include teasing, bullying, ridicule, isolation and abuse. The disappointment of teachers or parents can compound the problem. In addition the dyslexic individual may doubt their ability to achieve any kind of qualification or promotion to a position of high status in the workplace.

This year the focus of Dyslexia Awareness Week which runs from the 7th to the 13th October is on schools and businesses empowering people with dyslexia. For young people who are diagnosed with dyslexia early, there is a lot of support within schools and the education system in general. Different methods of teaching and additional resources can be accessed in most colleges and centres of learning. In my own hypnotherapy training school we can assist students who are dyslexic in a variety of ways including giving them longer to submit their homework and supplying coursework early or in different formats. We also don’t penalise spelling errors as long as students are able to convey their meaning.

For those diagnosed late, as with those who have experienced criticism or abuse in their childhood or teenage years, low self-esteem can be a problem that can continue into adult life. They might not pursue career ambitions or take risks for fear of failure. Lack of assertiveness can also be a problem. Hypnotherapy can be very useful for helping to change negative self-beliefs and issues of low confidence. Working with clients to improve their self-worth and ability to assert themselves is very rewarding and I love to hear from clients who have made powerful changes such as applying for promotion, asking for a raise or standing up for themselves in difficult situations.

If you’d like to know more about how I can support you in overcoming negative self-beliefs book here to have a chat on the phone at a time that suits you.

Are you making time for yourself?

All of us know that taking time for ourselves is a good thing; we’ve all heard of the phrase “me time”.  But how many of us actually do it? Stress and overwhelm is one of the most common reasons that people seek therapy in the UK.  Those feelings of stress are the response to a situation, or a range of situations which tell us that we need to take action. 

When we ignore those feelings of stress, telling ourselves that we just need to get our work done or the kids to school, we feel productive.  Society rewards us for keeping on going. However ignoring those mounting feelings of stress can be deadly, warn researchers.  A study published in the European Heart Journal found that people who reported high levels of stress to the point where they were concerned that it was affecting their health were twice as likely to experience a heart attack as those who reported that they were unaffected physically by stress.

September 6th is National Read a Book Day. Reading, more than some other pleasurable pastimes has been linked to lowered stress levels and other health and social benefits.  However, regularly making time to do something that you find absorbing and relaxing is an excellent way to reduce stress levels and increase feelings of well-being. The act of taking time to yourself to engage in an activity that you find rewarding is enough to lower your stress levels and give you a new lease on life.

If you struggle to find time for yourself because you’re busy taking care of others, you might want to re-prioritise.  Perhaps you could designate the washing up to someone else and take an hour or two on a weekday evening to absorb yourself in a book, rather than watching TV.  Or maybe substitute your weekend newspaper full of doom and gloom, with a novel.  Joining a book club can be a great way of committing yourself to reading a book which you’ll later discuss with others. This provides a sociable outlet and accountability that makes you more likely to read the chosen publication and attend.

Many of us feel guilty when we take time for ourselves.  It can feel selfish.  However, taking that time for self-care means that we can be more present and less frazzled in other areas of our lives. Often when we feel as though we have no time for ourselves it’s because we aren’t prioritising ourselves.  How many things in a week do you say yes to when you wish you could say no? Perhaps you could make a deal with yourself to leave work exactly on time just one day a week or say no to the request to make 200 fairy cakes for the school fete.  While it might feel uncomfortable at first, you’ll grow to love the difference in how you feel as you have more time for yourself.

Many people who come to see me have trouble saying no to others.  This could be because of self-esteem issues, or because they were brought up in a family where they were expected to take on the lion’s share of household tasks.  This habit, whilst pleasing others around us, is detrimental to both our health, happiness and even success. 

If you want to learn the art of saying no or to find a way of making more time for yourself and your interests, hypnotherapy can be a useful tool.  In my practice I regularly see people who want to learn to prioritise themselves higher in their to-do list.  To find out more or arrange a free consultation, please get in touch.

What you need to know about flying phobias

The last couple of weeks will probably have been the busiest of the year at airports around the country. People heading off to far flung destinations will have been crowding the cafes and concourses waiting to depart. Some will consider their holiday as having started once they sip on their first wine or beer in the airport bar, whilst others will be attempting to steady their nerves. The seasonal rush to sunny climes will be a time of great excitement for many, but for a sizeable minority it will be filled with trepidation. These are the folk who fear flying. If you are one of these, your initial pleasure at the idea of a break in the sun or a visit to relatives may quickly dissolve into a time of tension, when you might even be considering the idea of a trip overseas a foolish mistake.

Naturally, the reasons people are afraid of flying differ greatly and so as a therapist it is important for me to discover what the real fear is that triggers their phobic response. It may have been caused by an earlier turbulent flight, a concern about claustrophobia, a fear of being sick or getting an upset tummy. Loss of control is something that is commonly cited by clients, although in truth we have very little control over most things; it’s the perception of control that has been lost. Anxiety about the inability to ‘get off’ is common too, with the fear of collision surprisingly rare in my experience. 

With the causes and concerns being so different it is important that I adapt my approach and not make assumptions as to what is required. I generally set out to discover if a fear relates specifically to flying, to all forms of travel or transport or is instead perhaps connected to Generalised Anxiety Disorder (GAD). Knowing whether someone’s fear is very specific or much broader is useful so that I can select my treatment approach.

Whatever the cause of your fear, I’m confident that I can be of help. I’m trained in a number of psychotherapeutic and psychosensory techniques, NLP interventions and of course hypnotherapy and I use all of these methods to help my clients overcome crippling fears and phobias. If you have a flight booked that is beginning to unnerve you, get in touch. Pushing a forthcoming flight out of your mind might seem a smart approach, but it’s best to seek therapy before the prospect of flying is making you anxious. Therapy for phobias can take as few as one session or may require a few appointments, but it is likely to be quicker than you might expect, which is good news, isn’t it.